Not Human

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by transparent, Aug 6, 2014.

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  1. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I've be lived for a long time that I'm too far gone. I can't be reached. I can't relate to people around me; family or coworkers.
    It's become difficult to work. I don't want to talk to patients. I don't want to pretend I care anymore. I don't want to be nice.
    I've lost my contact with humanity. It's hard for me to feel remorse or happiness for others.
    As long as I can remember, we I see someone cry or grieve....I smile. Near to a point of laugh.

    I'm no longer able to pretend I fit in with people. I'm a monster. Some demon given human skin to walk around in. I'm tired of the grey world we live in. There is nothing here. I don't belong here. I've been told I don't belong.

    I don't understand why I am the way I am...All I know is I wish it had never started, but since it has I just want it to stop.
    To end.
    My head throbs, I don't sleep for days, I can't eat...what ever become of quality of life? If I'm miserable, why can't I choose to leave early? Why is it frowned upon?

    My head gets so loud like a raging ocean, I just want the pain to go away. All I want is silence.

    I am lost.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi transparent i am sorry you are feeling so lost and not wanted. I hope by posting you do not feel so isolated and alone You are NOT transparent here hugs
  3. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I can't help others and nothing I've ever found has helped me. I don't know why I'm still here..
  4. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I'm not human anymore. I'm sick. I can't be cured. My head is so loud. All I want it stillness but stillness is not of the earth. This is no life that I have. make everything stop, I don't want anymore that this worl has to offer
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are human you are communicating to us and maybe you cannot be cured but you can learn to live with your illness If your meds are not working or if therapy has not worked then get a new therapist try newer meds they are always coming up with new treatments as well Just because you have an illness it does not make you not human I hear your suffering i do
    but only YOU can reach out like you are doing here you continue to reach out to doctors councelors your community don't let yourself become invisible ok i know how it works i have done the same sort of faded into the abyss it hurts i get it but just know there is help you just got to keep looking and reaching out for it because they will not come to us.
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