Not interested in Life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cc22, Jan 8, 2011.

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  1. cc22

    cc22 New Member

    Hi all, first post :D

    I'm just curious as to whether there is anyone else here that is so overwhelmed by the boredom of life that they wish to escape it through death.

    I've never had a hobby; not for lack of trying.
    I don't like sport, however I have tried: badminton, soccer, tennis, swimming, lifting, rugby, gymnastics.

    I'm also not interested in music, although I have learned to play the guitar, piano and flute.

    I'm very intelligent and get straight A's in school. In a few months I'll be going to university, but I don't want to study anything.
    I have no interest in any of my subjects, I'm just naturally capable and study the bare minimum required to shut my parents up.

    In the last few years I've gone through 4 different groups of friends. I understand that normal people enjoy social interaction, but I don't see the point. It's really just a matter of convenience to have people close to me, so I'm not the "weird loner" in school. After a few months, I always get sick of these people to the extent that I just have to ignore them and move on.

    I used to play video games when I was much younger, but have no interest in them now.

    I've also tried a number of different drugs, mainly psychedelics and stimulants, but even they were just momentary breaks from the oppressive monotony of life.

    I sometimes feel as if life is completely devoid of meaning, but at the same time, I'm not looking for a purpose.
    The way I see it, humans are not supposed to ask certain questions of the world, or it effectively breaks them :p
    How can anyone justify living? I mean seriously, think of the simplest problem you could ever encounter; the best solution will always be suicide.
    It's much easier to kill oneself than to complete a cross word puzzle, learn a language, or any other task that one is asked to complete.

    I often hear the phrase
    "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

    I believe it should be amended to read:
    "Suicide is a permanent solution to every problem that you could ever encounter."
    Both are true, however one contradicts the inherent survival instinct that we all depend upon.

    I'm not an emo, I'm not some depressed spawn of a loveless marriage crying for help. I am a legal adult that has decided he wants nothing from life and was merely curious as to how other peple feel about this.
  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome to the forum

    I'm sorry to hear that you have no interest in life and that things are so hard for you. It sounds like you used to have some interest in hobbies and things earlier in your life but this interest has gone? I wonder if you've been diagnosed with depression or whether you have been to your doctor about how you're feeling?

    You mention that you are the product of a loveless marriage.. that sounds like it could be difficult. My parents too didn't show any love towards each other (well, my mum loved my dad but not the other way around) and it certainly had an affect on me. Is this something you've ever talked about with anyone?

    I hope that things improve for you and that you're able to get some help for how you're feeling. You're not alone.

  3. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    I can relate! I gather you are relatively young - 18-19? - and I was the same at that age in terms of knowing what i wanted to be/do. it all seemed pointless.
    When i got out of school I did manage to find my niche - helping/empowering others - and was qutie spiritual. I think until a point I was searching for a purpose and having some kind of spiritual thing going on can help. School's/unis from my experience have been great for academic stuff but too focussed on the whole being sucessful, earning money, etc. Not so much with the deep and meaningful stuff...?
    Since this has come around it's a bugger - everyone tells you that by volunteering you will paradoxically help yourself for example, but I find it hard enough to silence everything in my head to concentrate on someone else, let alone having some kind of emotional connection. sorry i'm rambling.
    with the lack of interest would you describe it as boredom or disappointment? what's the emotional component? boredom as i understand it is an intellectual expression.
    NOT trying to medicalise everything but do you have a dx of depression which can result in a lack of motivation? Or it could just be age related and situational.
    Have you ever read any existentialism?
    warm regards
  4. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi cc22. Welcome to Suicide Forum. You are in a very supportive place here, so I hope that you keep posting. Sound as though you have a very good family background and a good life overall, but you are just bored. You don't think that life is worth the effort.

    But that can usually come form living in an advanced society, where things come easily, and you can't find yourself in a sea of activities and impersonal relationships. Things seem to be thrust on you, and you don't feel as though it was tailor made for you. I know how you feel.

    You have not found your niche yet, the young have to search for their niche in life. Some people find it early, some later. If you keep looking you will find something to fall in love with. It maybe writing or art, or counseling, or something else. But when you find it, it will resonate with you. And you won't mind getting up in the morning just to invest in it.

    You haven't seen everything that life has to offer. So please give life a chance.
  5. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    You sound just like me. Especially when you said "I sometimes feel as if life is completely devoid of meaning, but at the same time, I'm not looking for a purpose". I can't ever be bothered to get some hobbies, study on a career, make goals, etc. I'm just wasting space until my time comes or some freak accident happens. :laugh:
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    You probly sound a bit like me. Somehow I've managed to get A's in all my subjects, even though I have NEVER studied for the exams etc etc. But my grades are slipping fairly massively now although I don't really care.

    When I read this I couldn't help but laugh! That's not ment to be offensive, I just found it funny. I tend to always think like this. Which can be an insanely hard to do ANYTHING if your mind just jumps to suicide. "When life gives you lemons, just do it."? :tongue:

    I've never actually tried any sports. But that's probly because I have a huge social anxiety problem so it can be hard going to fucking school let alone some sporting event. I've never played an instrument. Well I learned to play a couple of songs on the piano but I got bored and forgot the notes to the them! :laugh:

    I wouldn't say I have a career I'm striving for or what ever. I don't plan on living long enough to do any of that. BUT...if I do end up living to that point, I'll just get a night job or something. Or something I can do at home.

    Considering all the replies, there's probly quite a few people that feel the same way about you on here.
  7. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    hey pal, welcome to social indoctrination, where most of your education growing up was to make you complacent and follow the rules! stay in line! learn this to further a cause that was made before you were born that you are totally against. ignorance is bliss for most people, congratulations however! it takes more of a man to realize this shit is a mess then it does for someone to completely ignore the monotony and live as if happy. that's something to be proud of. my parents do the exact same routine every single day, make me want to kill myself because they have to do it and i can't stand them pretending to be happy when in there eyes they look dead. the impressions that life gives is more important then the air you breathe and the food you eat, without impressions what is the point of this mechanical shit? that's why the good work right now is to help in the healing of the world, that's where we are in this stage, massive healing since the 500 years of darkness came with columbus and the rest of europe. the light is now returning we just have to hold on
  8. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Really? I've known people set fire to themselves, jump of bridges, hurt themselves in ways I never thought possible. And yet they survive, battered and broken. Which cross word puzzles are you doing?
  9. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    i have a small idea what this guy is saying, sometimes i conclude to suicide with small shit that doesn't even matter, forgetting to make a left at the right spot sometimes when i'm driving, then i think omg how stupid am to actually want to commit suicide over that, then i want to commit suicide over wanting to commit suicide, sometimes shit doesn't make sense..
  10. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    Ziggy you made my day!
  11. Pienp

    Pienp Active Member

    Hi cc22,

    glad to see that there are other people that think the same way. I think exactly the same way. There is really no point in going on.

    Very well said. After you have died, there is not a single problem for you in the future. You will never have to wake up again, for school/work etc.

    Completely agree.
  12. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    cc22 and Pienp
    have you ever heard of the Brahmanic idea of samsara?
    might be food for thought...
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