Hey guys! I'm Martina and I'm 25 years old from Nebraska. I had my first suicide attempt when I was 19 and I have tried over 20 times to commit suicide since then. Right now things are SO stressful for me, as well as my fiance' that we made a pact to leave this world next week. He struggles with schizoaffective and PTSD disorders and I struggle with bipolar 1 disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD(from multiple rapes) and an eating disorder(mostly anorexia) I just got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago and my community support worker knows whats going on as well as people at the day program I go to so when I come in Monday, I have a feeling I will be put back in the hospital which is not what I want. Monday also happens to be an anniversary of when I was raped a year ago and I'm having severe suicidal feelings. I want to leave... I want to die... my fiance' does too. We want to exit the world. I hear people say its a "permanent solution to a temporary problem." and I think its a permanant solution to problems that can't be fixed anymore. I'm stressed, unmedicated(which the meds weren't working anyways) and I'd rather die than be here one more day or be around on this anniversary day because the PTSD has been kicking my butt. I'm always scared to sleep because of multiple nightmares. I don't know how all this happened. I used to be a good student in school, I did music and social work in college then switched to just social work and did criminal justice as my minor and BOOM all these problems started and its just getting worse and too hard to bear. I just don't want to be around anymore. Anyway I wanted to introduce myself and say hi.... thanks for reading!