Not long I guess...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by compboydead, Jan 15, 2010.

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  1. compboydead

    compboydead New Member

    I have suffered from depression on and off since I was 17 - and now I am 29. Over the past few weeks so much shit has happened to me and to be honest I have had enough of it all.

    A few things that have happened:

    I am quite a bit in debt - I got credit cards when I was younger and had a job and now I have no money to pay it off and companys are sending me letters for money - at present I have no money coming in either and only one more payment of JSA - on the bright side I have applied for sick money and this is being processed but no way will it be sorted in time for all the payments to come out of my accouint and send my balance into minus figures which will send me into total mental meltdown.

    I have been to my doctor about my depression and suicidal feelings and he has a good knowledge of my history, at present I am on anti-depressents and been signed off a training course I had been attending.

    The doc said after the two weeks sign off I need to go back to the course cause' he thinks I should be feeling better - but no way will I be.. and to be honest what is the point of me doing it? To sit there and feel even more of a total loser and failure like I do right now? No thanks - I would rather be dead.

    Am I too paranoid of telling the doc I have complentated ending it all? Probably yes... cause I do not want to be considered a freak by him.. and anyway I will lose the internet soon cause I cannot afford the dongle.. but besides all my online friends on MSN do not want to know me for some reason so that makes me feel like shit too == as each day goes on the urge to end it all grows stronger...

    I am such a mess
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, I am sorry you are having to deal with so much right now I am here if you feel like talking it out and/or venting.
    It pains me to see a young person such as yourself at such a point in their life. Iknow if you continue to share others will step forward wanting to help as well so please continue to reach out we are here for you.

  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Peter and welcome...sometimes when we do things which feel against our apathy, these feeling do lift...that seems to be what your doc was referring to...please share with us what is going on and hoping you find support here...again, welcome, J
  4. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you feel the way you do.
    I'm 30 and feel the same way you do.
    Here if you want to talk.
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