you aren't ready to go because you're still here. you're not finished. hold on to the fact that up until now you have beat the part of you that wants to die, and you can continue to beat it now.
just keep talking, post as much as you can, wherever you can. just keep communicating with the outside, keep reminding yourself that you are alive. call someone, anyone, dump on a friend, a family member, they'll give up their time to help you, whatever you feel. if you just pick up the phone now and call anyone, anyone at all, that's a one more victory for you against the darkness.
let it out, keep it up and don't let go. what matters is that you are safe.
I was at work..I saw a girl with cuts ALL over both arms..She has a sleeveless top and...it was just crazy..I wanted to cut so badly, so I started scratching myself subtly.. Then I saw an old teacher from school who just made my life hell and brung up memories about that abuse..
do you own a mobile? if you do, just go into your phonebook and call the first number, or if you are scared of them knowing then dial the emergency number for your country, so 911 or 999 etc.
sometimes it hurts less a stranger knowing than someone you know. you won't be a waste of their time, your life being in danger is an emergency, they are there to help you. if you live alone then try going to a room of the house where there are no risky objects, where you won't hurt yourself.
if you live with others and you don't want them to find out, well if it's a choice between your life and their peace of mind then choose your life. maybe you don't have to tell them you're suicidal, say you feel ill and you want someone there to talk to you, try and engage with them, anything. just keep in contact with people, keep re-affirming the fact that you are alive. if you fight, you can win.
if you're not in immediate danger, do something that will stop you brooding. read a book, even one you've read before, play a game, squeeze something like a foam ball or a beanbag in your hand, anything to keep you mind off what makes you sad. the best thing for you to do is to sleep, but if lying down and trying to sleep allows the dark thoughts in then try and tire yourself out. keep your mind active until it becomes exhausted and you fall asleep quickly. you might be tired in the morning but at least you'll be in one piece, which is always one positive to add to your list first thing
if you attempt suicide now, where would you be? you're here, now talking with us. hold on to that. you are alive. a part of you wants to stay that way. a part of you big enough to make you reach out for help. the part of you reaching out, that's the part that is you, the part which makes up who you are. the dark thoughts and impulses which want you to die, they are not you, they are something to be resisted and fought and beaten at every turn. you can't let the darkness run your life, and your certainly can't let it kill you. because in the end the darkness offers nothing but more pain, pain will only heal with life, only life will give you relief. keep on living, even ifonly until the morning. because no-one should kill themselves before breakfast, and everything looks better by sunlight.
I know sometimes you can some memories flashbacks triggered by many events. I have an abuse history of myself, but I chose to fight my demons, of course it hurts even now, and some scars will never heal up totally. But when I wonder why I’m still here, I just get out for a walk, or listen some music and fall sleep dreaming for a better world.
Many times I don’t feel better the next day, but I just keep up fighting. I been like this since I can remember, and I still here, not sure why, but just give it some more days to take a decision. Maybe someone is going to make you smile in the near future.
What I have learn of my life is that sometimes life sucks, but we can have little times of happiness that feels wonderful, you just have to wait and stand until that times get to you. One thing that I think is that people like us that are suicidal, feels everything more than normal people, including happiness.
Just think about it for some days, relax. If you want to chat, I’m here. We can exchange stories, maybe learn something together.