not looking forward to christmas

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sui caedere, Dec 5, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    Well as you can see i am still going i wish i can say i was feeling strong but i can not.

    This will be the first christmas with out my wife for 10 years and what little strength i had i fill is slipping away.

    Just knowing she be with her girlfriend is now starting to eat at me and now i am starting to run out off reasons to keep going.

    i dont think i get past this year the simple truth is if i start drinking i end up dead.

    the only reason i am still hear is that i have left the drink alone but i know what pain is coming will hurt too much.

    i do not know what to do right now i do and dont want to die but in the next few weeks i start to fill more down.

    i am sure a few of you have been where i am going what did you do to get past it?

    the a.d.'s or not working to well and the sleeping pills make me feel ill.

    so for once i am asking for help so please help.

    i can not go back to the doctor as i get locked up in some hospital and i can not tell my family for the same reason.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I don't really know what to tell you. I too keep running in the same circle never getting ahead. So I rely on my pain and suicidal thoughts for comfort. But this time has been different. I've had the help of others here at SF. When I feel so alone and not strong enough to help myself, I have found belonging and help here. You do have some inner strength and it shows by the power you use not to drink. That is a hard demon to battle. Congrats on that one. Maybe some of what you need is right here in the threads and posts of other members. I know it helped me this time and I'm counting on those ppl to help me through this because I know I am not strong enough to do it by myself. Just keep hanging on to the help that is offered here and try not to fight all your demons alone. I'm glad you are asking for help. If you need to blow or talk pm me. I don't know how I can help but I'm willing to try.
  3. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    How the fuck can one person hurt me so much i feel i be better or killing myself just to get rid off the pain i am feeling.
  4. daniel2

    daniel2 Banned Member

    yeah, i'd like to skip christmas this year too. sorry for the shit you're going through.
  5. polarisdrivr

    polarisdrivr Member

    look i have 2 people in my life tearing me apart daily but i have dealt with it for 16 years....all i can tell u is find a tranquil place u can go to when u have these thoughts and just let out wutever emotions u must into the sky. maybe play some peaceful music and u can most likely pull through each time ur down
  6. jamesbond

    jamesbond Well-Known Member

    hey shane, i know what you are going through. its amazing how one person can destroy us. i have been tortured by the loss of a woman going on 4 YEARS NOW. the grief has not subsided. it hurts just as bad since day 1. i know now i will die, still aching for her. whether it be sooner or later.

    she's engaged to some piece of dirt now

    i hate you P. for the sadness you caused me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2007
  7. Nox

    Nox Member

    love is not the same as do you even know these people when you dont live with them anymore?

    are you in love with her? or her memory? i think its time you found someone better than the person who has brought you so much pain
  8. jamesbond

    jamesbond Well-Known Member

    "i think its time you found someone better than the person who has brought you so much pain"

    what you say is true but i have been a loner all my life before her and since. for various reasons i have not been able to acquire a relationship. the one girl who fell through the slats i allowed myself to lose
  9. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    My wife has put her pictures with her girlfriend on the internet.
    i feel so shit right now i just want to cut the hell out myself.
    right now i feel i can not go on.
  10. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Come on Shane, clam down- I think I sent you some relaxation techniques? why don't you practice those.
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    My best friend's Mom left his Dad for another woman after 25 years of marriage. Now he is very happily married to a wonderful woman. The pain will get better over time if you can just hang in there.
  12. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    i have know lost my safety zone.

    i am on my 3 rest days which is not good when i am work i feel safe and happy now i have nothing to do.

    i had a talk with one of my friends from work and she told me for the since i meet my wife last week i have not been the same and she told me that if o keep going the way i am she call the police and tell them that she is worred about my own safety.

    deep down i know she is right but i can not seem to pick myself up or what to do.

    right now i hate the way i feel i am more scared of living then dying my doctor is no help he just told me to spend more time at work and given me more pills to take.
  13. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all. It's always been a very stressful time of year that never lives up to all the hype.

    I'll admit that I've never been in a relationship and I've never been on a single date--I'm a bit of a loner, too, I suppose. However, there are times when there is no light in the world, when all I want to do is sink into darkness forever. And strangely, what I find helps the most is somewhat indulging in my morbidity--much to the chagrin of my therapist, of course. :smile:

    I listen to sad music like Beethoven's 7th or angry music like rap (especially Eminem--lot of anger there, which I appreciate). Evanescence is good music for these moods as well, and the ending of relationships is a common theme with her. There are other songs as well that you may relate to more.

    I read Charles Baudelaire's four "Spleen" poems and read about others' struggles with depression and suicide.

    I look at the works of Goya (especially the ones during his dark years) and Van Gogh, or any other artist that strikes me at the time.

    And, new-agey and bizarre as it may sound, I find certain scents can take the edge off as well. Smelling Lavender and Sandalwood is soothing and calming, while Patchouli and Neroli help to lift the dark clouds a bit. You can find small bottles of essential oils at stores that advertise organic and natural products. They're not especially cheap, and the effect is not dramatic, but sometimes even subtle relief is better than none.


    Are you taking the medication the doctor prescribed? I only ask because I believe Christmas is a very depressing time of year, and it can seem impossible to cope with anything--especially with all that wonderful good cheer stinking up the air. Give the meds a try if you can before turning to alcohol. It seems to me that alcohol can change a person for the worse much more than most meds I've taken, so give the meds a chance first. If you feel the doctor isn't helping you, you may want to consider finding another one once this season of giving is over with.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.