I try to maintain the illusion that there is some hope for me, that i will achieve something in the end, but it's rather difficult when looking at my life so far, and the impression i have left on other people. There is usually some skill that an individual may have, that they can provide for others, i guess that's the point in living together in communities. It doesn't necessarily have to be academic, or career based, just being able to make others happy, being there and being able to provide support is enough. I don't have any of these qualities, i try really hard to find one thing i am, or ever was good at, and there isn't anything, only mediocrity and disappointment. It's a great thing that people can get together and appreciate the good things in life, forget about their problems, it is cruel of me to interfere with that, it is not right for me to intrude into social circles and creating an awkward enviroment. It's best for everyone if they don't think about me, to concentrate on more productive aspects of society, so it's right for me to be alone. The problem is that it's not natural for a human being to be totally isolated, so naturally that individual is going to feel distressed. I know that it is wrong to advocate suicide, because ultimately the person saying so has no understanding of the problems of others, but at the same time, it can go the other way too. There are no extremes to my life, no horrible disabilities, or high status in society, and yet i struggle to find anything that i am capable of succeeding in. I have never wronged anyone to an extreme extent, but I have never done anything that was worthy of love or admiration either. It's difficult to describe, but i scramble around in my thoughts to rationalise things, but there isn't anything there. I have to stress there isn't a damned thing, I totally messed up in school, I've never left an impression on anyone i've met in life, all of the people I used to know are achieving things, regardless of their academic qualities. I am nothing more than walking flesh, a shell that can be easily replaced. All evidence points to me being a damaging waste of space. The only people who don't constantly try to find excuses to leave my company are my mental health team, because they have taken an oath to help, and it's the point of their career. Noone else should have to suffer that, it isn't of any benefit to them, which again leaves me stuck, again leads me to contemplate things. I say to people who read this that it would be wrong for this thread to influence you, never allow others to think for you, because the chances are high that you have some qualities that are valuable to others. I have been searching within myself for a long time and can only come to the conclusion that I am miserable material that has no place in the world, other than to provide decaying matter for other organisms to live off.