Not me, but someone I love.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by The_Infected, Mar 14, 2012.

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  1. The_Infected

    The_Infected Active Member

    June 7th 2011... I will never forget this date.

    I was at my friends graduation party. my ex-girlfriend, whom I still love, was at hers. (we are in two separate provinces) We were talking and texting each other, when I had a bit too much to drink, I told her that I loved her, and that I was going to sleep. She said "Please don't fall asleep... I'm going to get into trouble" I didn't know what she meant, but I ended up going to sleep anyways.. I wish I never did.

    In the morning I got up, tried to clear my hangover, and I remembered about my phone. So I checked it, I had about 5 missed messages. I checked them all. All were from her. I can't remember what the first 4 said, but the 5th one said "He did it.. Metal(though here she used my real name), he took my virginity"

    I got very confused, upset and angry. I called her, her time it was 7 in the morning, she picked up the phone crying, saying "it hurts" "it hurts". I talked to her for hours, trying to get her to tell me who it was. I know the name of him now, and his name, it's permenatly burned into my memory.

    I don't think I can get into too much detail, but I'll say what I can without getting too descriptive.
    She said "I was trying to get into my car so I could sleep.. and _____ followed me into my car. I tried to get him out, but he wouldn't leave. He kept touching me, and making me feel even more uncomfortable. Then.. I thought if I gave up, he'd give up.. but he didn't.. he forced me into the backseat and then..." She stopped there and started to burst out into tears.

    I don't really know what to do about it.. it's been almost a year now, and she's still having flashback and memories of this horrid day.

    Can someone give me some advice on what I can do to help her? I already plan to go visit her, but I don't know what I can do when I see her... I really don't want to have her go back into her state, she was very depressed and borderline suicidal. Please, can someone just.. give me some advice on what I can do to help her...

    Take care...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu can get her to see a councillor that deals with abuse sexual assaults that can help her YOu yourself do not have the skills hun Also she can still press charges if she is up to it her attacker should be brought to court to prevent him harming anyone else. Only if she has that strength though The important thing to do is to get her to see professional help okay hugs
  3. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    It's a very horrible experience for anyone to go to, but it is almost equally hard for a loved one to help, many reasons are that your own feelings will interfere. You have already been a massive help for her, by being there for her, listening to her talking to her. The fact that she confided in you, shows that she can trust you. One thing you really need to remember is all you can do is extremely very limited. Providing support is one thing, but providing help to deal with what she has been through is somethin only a professional can give. You need to explain to.her that seeing a doctor would be 100% confidential, but make it absolutely clear that she should only go if she feels comfortable with it. Perhaps if when you go visit her, you could go together to see someone because having you there will be a massive support to her,

    I really hope things pick up for yourself and her, :hug:
  4. The_Infected

    The_Infected Active Member

    She doesn't want to go for any counselling, and she doesn't want to press charges. I tried to convince her to do it. Even after a year she still hasn't told anyone but me and her really close friend. I'll try to see if she wants to get counselling now, she's really stubborn, so I don't think she will.

    When I do visit her, I think I might try to go get her to see her doctor with me. I think that she might have been scared of being judged or mocked for it. I hope she'll let me help her. She's a very closed up person now because of this.

    Thank you both for the advice.
    Take care,
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