not me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by itmahanh, Oct 30, 2010.

  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    first im not an eveil prson by any means. i try to be good and try to help as best as i cna, anyone, anytime.

    but kids have the tv on in the background. they saying buiolt 5000 bikes for kids in africa help us build 5000 more. and i think, my littlest has a trike that is too small only has one pedal that is broken and the ohter is a bolt. i bought it for $5 at a thrift store to try and help him learn how to ride a bike. he hasnt cuz hecant klpedal it without smashing his knees on the handle bars.

    we diont eat a "meal" often. cant afford it and honestly half the time cant find the energy to make it. so a box of kd usually passes as one. im physically and mentally ill and he has no dad. cant be employed. um alot of the same problems that parents in afrrica must have. yet lets build bikes for those kids. whats wrong with my kid? no one wants buid him a bike.

    now something about saving some other culture on the planet. i cant save myself so now feel guilty cuz cant help someone half way across the world. everyone wants to fed and help other kids waht about the ones in their own backyards. why doesnt it feel as good or as impirtant to say i saved a little kid in my neighborhood as it does to say i sponsored or helped a kid i'll never see or know .
    im a fucking monster. cant seem to jump on the same wagon as the rest of the good peopl;e. not feeling sorry for me. just cant seem to se what all the hoopla is abnout. i used to donate i used to volunteer i used to..... but i just cant now. and that isnt good enough for my little one. but thats his reality. i really hate me now. and thats my reality.
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Nah. Charities are for people who have money.

    My mom used to make us watch those charity commercials and the telethons for starving kids in Africa so that we would be thankful for what we had.
    We might not have been able to afford food every day- or fancy clothes or new shoes every year; but we had a roof over our heads and free healthcare; and that's more than alot of people have.

    It doesn't make you a bad person for not really caring.
    You have to care about your own as a parent- before you can really care about the rest of the world, I guess.

    Depending on where you live- there are always different charities and organizations you can join if you are a low income family, you know?
    Mom signed us up for holiday food baskets, and to have donated Christmas gifts for us when we were children.
    I'm sure with a bit of research you can find one of those organizations to help you and your children out as well.
  3. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    I give as much as I can during the holidays to the salvation army, which may only be a few dollars, it's something though. Never now I may need those services sometime.

    This year I do not have the money to donate anything.
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    you are NOT a monster...we like to help out in other countries to make sound like we are important and rich...which we aren't...we are so far in debt and our own world is falling apart yet we like to pretend it isnt, and that helping out outside of our country gives us prestige and that we are matter how we cover it up, we are rotten to the core, there's no amount of ignoring the problem that it will make it all go away...

    before we can help others, we gotta be stable helping ourselves out, we help the world...not many people know or understand kudos to are a great person...don't let those people fool you into otherwise...

    you never know if what you've done (helping a kid in your neighborhood) is going to be great later on...who knows where that kid will go....all thanks to you :)
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i buy everything i can from the local thrift store. its run by an organization that sends aid to countries after disaters etc. so im still donating and the fact that everything is cheap helps me and my son. i cant aford to give chnks of money at a time. even a few dollars and it makes me feel defeated. but when we need clothes or books for my son to read stuff like that we shop ther. but i dont feel good about it. dont feel like im helping when they are always asking and i have to say no.

    and i hide it away like everything else. tonight i couldnt i hate feeling like a monster like im evil or my son is deserving just as much as others we have a roof we are able to buy atleast kd. my son goes to school. but because our country is able survive without charity from others he gets lost. i get llost. because i cant dothe best i can. feels like others would hate me if they knew i didnt really care about 1000's of kids somewhere elsde. ive heard their stories since i was a little gil myself. it nevers ends. im gonna make it end for me. selfish but too damn bad.
    rambling. sorry
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you come first.

    i felt the same way about those adverts when i was recovering and staying put. i despise charity commercials donating to ABC across the world (or the NSPCC for many reasons i won't go into), mainly because my parents made us watch "to be grateful" while fucking us up in the house continuously- i didn't "have a roof over my head" because there was no house! there was no safety. i've been without safety for many many years and homeless with poor mental health, know a lot about voluntary organisations the "help" they provide, etc, it's not fun and games and very difficult to survive. i feel for you.

    try and look after yourself and your son before worrying about anyone else. guilt is very powerful tool to control, and those adverts play on people's guilt.

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2010
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with you that we should be helping our own before we go across the world ...
    Our country is the same..homeless people, not enough homes for low income people. living on the pension means living under the poverty line and what do we do? we send money overseas and we bring "boat people" in and give them a 4 star motel rooms and a pension to live on when our 'own' pensioners can't survive..
    this makes me so angry and those rich politicians and "do-gooders" don't give a damn..
    I'm sorry you have to feel like this .....*hugs*
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i remember when i was little the church help a family that were refugee the church bought them clothes and new bikes got them a house to live in, my mom had 8 children we had nothing i remember feeling so bad because the church help them but not my mom we often had no food too
    clothes that never fit right we had no home we stayed with an aunt my bedroom was a closet i should have been happy for that family but i was sad because we had nothing too and noone hlp
    I too now shop at stores that give back to the needy it is one way to help but family always has to come first always