Not much left

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mendocino, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. Mendocino

    Mendocino New Member

    Especially my will to continue. My family has split and severed. I'm about to lose my motor home and become homeless. I am facing battery domestic violence charges, for trying to stop my wife of 33 years from killing herself. She's only tried over a dozen times to do so. My poor son had to witness his mother lose touch with sanity, accuse me wrongly, attack me, then have me arrested. First trouble I've ever been in, in my 50 yes of life. And I lost my job, car, home, and my beloved pet too.
    All in an instant. My wife is over. Daughter disowned and attacked me socially in our small town. Slaughtered my reputation. I just want to run far away ... And can't begin to. But worse thing is, I sleep with a NECESSARY sleep machine at night. Can NOT sleep without it AT ALL. So is homeless an option for me ? Looks like only death left. I am so very broken and empty. All I ever wanted and held dear is gone.
    Today, nothing's sharper than the blade in my pocket. Nothing duller than my will to live on.
     
    Red Nightmare likes this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    I am sorry that you are feeling so trapped. What about shelters? Suicide is not the answer. *hugs*
     
  3. Mendocino

    Mendocino New Member

    I am so afraid, I have shivered with an inner freezing feeling for a week. Maybe adrenaline from shock? I am so very trapped here in most every way.
    I want to be able to just leave this town, and start all over again. But I have nothing left to start with.
    I'm having to live with my son and daughter in law, in a flea infested motel room, and my daughter in law is absolutely part crazy, and mean as hell. I feel so hopeless. So alone.
     
  4. Mendocino

    Mendocino New Member

    I tried to wake and shower. Just couldn't shower. Put on dirty clothes and walked the town, applying for jobs. No life or energy in me at all. My face feels numb and frozen in doom. I don't even want to live like this. I could stand everything probably, but losing my only security, in my motorhome, is just too much. I sunk all I had into it.
     
  5. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    You are a hero for continuing on!
     
  6. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    Hey you made it all these years. I am only 30 and I dunno how I am gonna make it a lot of days. Have you tried any medication?