well, i have finally reached a point where i can only share some of what is going on, but to me it's huge. it's been almost two years now but my best friend took her own life. that is not the most damaging part. the hardest part for me to live with is the fact that according to her family i contributed to her death by being no friend at all. that's all i can say about this. this is way to painful to deal with, and it's been hard enough to share.