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Not new but returning after 10 years

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#1
Hi All,

I had a brief stint here about 10 years ago, did not post much; but thought I would see what's happening now. My story is long and pretty typical so won't bore you with it. A lot of my issues are compounded by physical pain that has been with me for a long time; but ultimately I mainly struggle with depression and lack of purpose. I don't really know why I am here or what I am looking for; but hope I'll know it when I see it.

I would not have classed myself as suicidal going back 6-7 years, depressed yes but at that time I was sure I would never go through with it. Not so sure now. My Wife is awesome, 7 yr old Son is unspeakably amazing so I don't understand what my problem is. Why is it that I can't shake this constant pain I feel in my heart all the time. It pisses me off that I can't just be happy and content with life; but the reality is that I hate being here. I guess my desire to die is really just a desire to move on from all this - it's like a morbid "try something else" type deal. Life is not working out so the only alternative to life is death so to speak. I suppose what I'm wanting is to ask if there are others that don't get why they are the way they are. I don't really feel like I have clinical depression, it feels almost like an intrinsic part of my personality. I read so many posts from people here who genuinely have something to feel bad about; but I don't feel like I do. I just feel unhappy....sad even.... All the time and it's exhausting. I can't escape it, its so pervasive in the way it places itself at the centre of every moment.

I don't know, can't really explain it that well; but anyone else who feels this way, I'd be really keen to hear your story. Especially if you eventually figured it out!

Thanks for reading.
Cheers.
 
#3
I wish you were here with better news, but welcome back.
I don't really know why I am here or what I am looking for; but hope I'll know it when I see it.
The link in my signature has some information about treatment methods, including some self-treatment and alternative methods. In particular, I'd recommend trying acupuncture for your physical pain if you haven't tried that already.

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help
I guess my desire to die is really just a desire to move on from all this - it's like a morbid "try something else" type deal
Trying new treatments can be a huge aggravation, but when you find something that actually helps, it's a happy day.
 
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