not one its another

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by total eclipse, Jul 17, 2009.

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  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It seems i cannot have any peace fromthe anxiety i am under
    my daughter calls crying upset anxious wants me to drive 2 hrs up to see her.
    I am told not to by her father as she needs to grow up. I want to so badly go up and take away her fears.
    My twin on the other hand has not called me since i did not visit her last monday when i was in Guelph I fear she has none something and no one has told me. I wish she would call so i know she has not OD or hurt herself.
    I wish I knew how to help them both i just don't know what to do anymore
    just want them to know i want to help them i do but im so messed up i want to be there god why can't life be easier Why can't they see what there cries do to me. I want them both home with me so i can protect them but am told no it is not what they need. I need to know they are safe god please why can't anyone see this seperatiion from both of them is killing me and them we need to be together.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi mary sorry to hear you feeling so sad. What does your therapist say? I mean we all understand wanting to be with a loved on and you know that that nobody can protect someone from life but the issue here is how YOU are dealing with it and the impact it has on you. You obviously can not provide the best support if you are on the verge so often. I say this with love but this whole thing has you just a mess at times and in so much pain.
    We all understand the need to vent but we care here so want to provide constructive support. What have you been doing to deal with these issues thus far. You said you go to a therapist, share the work you two are doing with us so we can help you get the most from it. And tell us more about what you mean when you often say "they are not safe" and "you need to be with them". Do you think the hospital people are not doing a good job? Didn't much of what happened with your daughter occur when she was with you? Not to say you caused it , no not all but to demonstrate that she has control of sorts and maybe there is a different way you could be there for her

    And the view you have that cant "anyone" see the separation as hurting you confuses me. Who is this "anyone"? You often speak of "they" not understanding your need to be with your daughter- who is "they". You make it seem like you are talking about the members on SF not understanding you and if that is the case hun let us know so we can better help.

    I understand venting but seems that you have been going through this and in pain and would just like to see you get relief from you pain. If the only way is based on your daughter and you won't get help until she is better than sorry to say I can not help at all and probably many others here can't either as we can only help those here.
    Take care Mary and let us know what you need from us please as I hate seeing you hurt so much and so often..change is possible it really is.
    Love ya B
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No it is no one on this forum who has hurt me no one. You have all been understanding no one here gets mad. I talk with my therapist on tuesday 3 more days to wait. It is others that say we need to be seperated the professionals they say for me to heal my daughter and twin need to go away we need to heal seperately I think we could do this together as we give each other support not all time but at least i know no one is hurting them including themselves. I do blame myself for alot of their pain my daughter i overprotected and yet she still go sexually abused. my twin god i said nothing and she was abused again and again I was fine until my daughter god abused then the memories started tocome baack. I have anxiety attacks sorry i have to just stop all this pain im sorry i told you i shouldn't vent i really just want everyone to heal then i will be stable again. I won't vent no more only in private section okay please im sorry i just need to know they are safe and loved thats all. bye mary
  4. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    good luck, Mary. I dont want to say anything because I dont want to make wrong comments. All I can say is, I hope and pray for your wellbeing , for your good health. Remember God helps those who help themsleves. So, try to help yourself by becoming strong and thinking positive thoughts.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I have looked after myself from a very young age and everyone else. I used to pray but know now god does not help those who helps themselves. No I won't say anymore I happy for them both they are getting the help they desperately need i guess i can thank god for this as he got them too answer finally. There is no help for me i don't exist never have but its better this way
    i can finally sleep god knows i deserve this much. Sleeping most of my days away now maybe therapist will tell me how to heal on tuesday but i don't know if i have the energy to even get there. I don't even know who this mary is she is not the fighter she used to be. She is now just an empty shell sorry just the dam depression hopefully i snap out of it soon
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