Not out of the woods

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by PandorasToybox, Aug 15, 2009.

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  1. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Recently my parents seperated & its been a awkward experience. As soon as they split my depression oddly disappeared. I srill have bad anxiety from the PTSD, but I'm a lot happier now. But the problem is now, that with my dad living with me I have ZERO privacy, & am living on the living room couch which I get ZERO sleep on, & therefore feel somewhat ...nutters.

    I was talking to my counselor & he wanted me to know that I was not a victim in this experience & that I shouldn't allow that to be an excuse for suicide... but now, I'm thinking, "I'm not a victim, but I'm tired".

    24/7 my parents want me to do something with them (of course seperately) & they bitch if I dont spend enough time with each soooo I'm non-stop on the move. I just want to sleep but there's no saying NO. Everyday we have to talk about "what happened" & I have to ...ugh I dunno, lets just say there's a million different discussions about everything concerning every aspect of life.

    If I don't get to sleep & I dont get my privacy I'm eventually going to be nutters enough to :faint:

    Hmmm "Cause of death: Exhaustion & Guilt"
     
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Parent's splitting can always be a hard time, but nothing will ever get better if you don't talk to them about how you feel. If you speak to them, then they will realise how they are affecting you with their actions, and they should take a step back and realise what they're doing isn't healthy for you at all. It can't hurt to talk to them, right?
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Any way to sneak a nap in during the day time? I am glad to hear the depression has lifted. Good luck on getting some sleep. :hug:
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You need to think of you now. Your parents made their choice. Now you need to make yours. Right now your parents are trying to make sure that you dont hate one and favor the other. But you need to let them know that enough is enough. Yes you can tell them no! Hun set up an evening where you can all meet at a restuarant. Sit them down, yes both at the same time, and tell them pretty much what you said here. I say both at the same time so that neither feels that you may of said something different to the other. And so that they are both on the same page when it comes to what you need and want. Suggest that maybe one night a week you will spend a few hours with one then another night the other. But not in eithers home. Go out together. And stick to that arrangement. Now you are only committed to 2 evenings a week. The rest is yours to do as you please.

    I'll repeat what I said about the arrangements with your Dad. A VERY short stay, long enough for him to find a place of his own. You can help there by maybe leaving the paper open to houses for sale or rent, where he will be sure to see it. If you need to, ask him each night how the hunting is going. But be firm and stick to the time limit that you agreed on for his stay. Hun I'm sure if push came to shove, he could find another family member or a friend or associate that would put him up too.

    The seperation is their business and life. You getting proper rest and the privacy you are used to is your. Now you need to get them to understand that.
     
  5. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Thanks for R&R guys :smile:

    Um talking wise, that's a been there done that situation. No matter what you say, you are never right, with them. Its exhausting trying to get anything through their heads.

    I can't decide how long of a stay my dad can have. They do pay for the apartment & plus I find it wrong to toss my dad out, I just can't do that to someone.

    I plan to just go on about my business continue to visit my counselor & hope I can keep my head on my shoulders. I'll probably be sneaking naps in while at the college. During the school year I'll be leaving the house at 5:45am & not back till about anywhere from 5pm- 11pm, pending on what's going on in classes & work.

    I made it clear to my parents though that this year I want them to be less involved with everything. Like there is NO need for them to come to my doctors appointments or come sit in on my sessions with my counselor. Thank goodness for being 18!
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    18 can be tough. Parents aren't ready to give their kids up and kids, though they feel they are ready to fly free, really still need their parents for things but sure don't want to admit it. It's funny how 18 seems to be that magical age for adulthood. Who decided on that age? Why not 16 or 20? Anyway...Concentrate on what you need to survive. You will get through this and so will they. :hug:
     
  7. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Welllll I'll assume the Canadian government chose 18 to be the age of consent, & therefore the doctors/counselors cant release any info without me signing a waiver. Other than that i've been living on my own since 16 & before that nobody was ever home from the time I was 13 so I ran free & independently. But now that they have their issues, they need me around... not so fair. They should have been around 6 years ago when I needed them.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Their issues are just that their issues I would tell them upfront just that and to leave you out of it. Tell them time for them to move on and you need to take care of you. If they are they to support you great if now time for them to go get their own place time fort them to grow up and let you live your life.
    Be open and honest with them so they are clear and understand exactly what you are saying.
     
  9. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    Your parents have their issues, yes. Just tell them each your situation sucks, your not getting any sleep and you are angry at both of them for puting you in this situation.
    I kinda am same thing. I moved back in with my parents and sisters a year ago. Niether of my sisters would share their room again and my parents where like oh thats ok, you can just sleep on the couch.,
    So im moving out in 2 weeks time.. only had to stick that crap for a year but it was sheer hell for me. Make your parents improve your siutation or at least get you a sofa bed or something. I think you can get some benifits and such if your of a cirtain age to support yourself and get a place of your own if you like. Good luck.
     
  10. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Soooo my mom...last night....showed up at the stable I ride at ...with a boyfriend :eek:hmy: ...I was in shock & everybody in the barn had the look of :blink: on their faces...not that you can blame them...so now that my mother is shacking with her boss...something tells me her highly respected managerial business woman status is about to disappear...I can't even show my face in the riding community again....news spreads like wildfire....
     
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