Not quite strong enough

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Susan_G, Jul 19, 2008.

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  1. Susan_G

    Susan_G Well-Known Member

    Every night I when I am alone I think about suicide. No, No, No, I am not going to do it. I just think about it. How peaceful it would be to escape all this. I don't know where I'd go but it wouldn't be here.

    But here's the thing. I am Bipolar and so is one of my daughters. She is 24 and not having much luck with treatment. Here daughter is my eight year old grandaughter. She is a happy, spunky kid. Without me I am afraid my daughter would kill herself and leave behind her daughter.

    I take my meds and go to therapy. I am enrolled in school and I have a car. I live with a friend. He wants to move away. I can't go because my family needs me. I can't aford to live alone. I don't dare tell my family because there isn't anyone who can help. I feel so much pressure to finish school, help out my Mother with her needs, make sure my middle daugter is ok and care for my grandchild. All this makes me so up and down moody.

    So I just want to die somedays. I am so stressed. I do't know what will happen to me. I try to do my best, but I am just not strong enough.

    And if you are reading this and you feel suicidal just remeber that if you do it people who were close to you have a higher chance of killing thereself.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Well I'm glad you have a reason to stick around.

    I'm not too sure on bipolar. One doctor said I had it but I really don't think I do. Just try to remember the ups then too, and try to do more for yourself when you can :hug:
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :hug: Hi Susan

    I can completely relate to stress making your mood go everywhere.

    It's completely understandable, to me, that you want all of this to end, your life sounds so hectic and stressful- especially when it concerns where you're going to live.

    Are you sure if you told any members of your family they wouldn't help, at least provide you with temporary accommodation- your daughter perhaps?

    You do sound like you have a lot on your shoulders right now. It does sound unbearable, I don't know how I'd be able to do it all myself...

    I know this isn't much help but I do hear how much pressure you're under.

  4. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Ty that last bit spoke top me.

    Just wanted to say that.

    Hope your daughter has more luck with treatment in the future


  5. Susan_G

    Susan_G Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies. I had a long session with my therapist last night. I think I can get a grip again. My thearaist suggested a good ol fashion check up from my doctor. She is also said I might need a med change. This may not fix my problem but it will get me to feel good enough to do something.
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