not quite sure anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lav11, Nov 12, 2011.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    so ive spent the whole last month in hospital and am on my first day leave and im already considering re attempting.
    My last attempt left my in a wheelchair for 2 weeks and stuck in the trauma ward after getting a broken 'ligament' in my neck.
    I remember saying when i had just gotten to the hospital with the neck brace on and being told i may never walk again and had gained a number of injuries if i came out of this ok i would never attempt again for three reasons. 1) when i attempted i changed my mind mid way. 2) Its not working and im putting myself in serious long term danger even if it doesnt work. 3) my father and some close friends were told i may not make it to the hospital alive
    now, not even three weeks later of saying all this and still in heaps of pain i wander if i should attempt again rather then going back to hospital.... I dont know, i came so close this time but i also came real close to being paralized... is it worth it? will i change my mind again? will life really get better as i get into adult hood? how will my friends feel if i did die? soo many things going through my head but im really not sure.. am i thinking logicly about death or is this just the depression talking?????????

    sorry to be a pain but i just really need to get this out. sorry and thanks

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun please please go back to hospital okay the pain you will cause to your father oh please as you said you do not want to die just end the turmoil. Call crisis line okay call your doctor and get some therapy and meds to change these unwanted thoughts hugs to you
  3. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    First I would like to wish that you get better soon, but i should say that it will be a difficult period for you - i want you to take one day at a time.

    I would also suggest you stay in hospital for some more time so you can recover from both the injury and from the suicidal thoughts.

    Do you really want to attempt again? Do you think its actually worth it? It appears you're quite young, you have a WHOLE future in front of you, of course your life will change. I am sure your friends would be very sad to hear that you killed yourself and so would your family.
  4. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    It wasn't until my failed attempt that I realized how many people were interested in me, did care and wanted to be supportive. In fact, one of the cops involved called to see if I was doing any better. There is compassion out in the world but sometimes it gets masked by peoples day to day struggles that you may not be aware of.

    Sometimes people just get wrapped up in their own routines and even though they care, sometimes don't do well at showing it.
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