so ive spent the whole last month in hospital and am on my first day leave and im already considering re attempting.
My last attempt left my in a wheelchair for 2 weeks and stuck in the trauma ward after getting a broken 'ligament' in my neck.
I remember saying when i had just gotten to the hospital with the neck brace on and being told i may never walk again and had gained a number of injuries if i came out of this ok i would never attempt again for three reasons. 1) when i attempted i changed my mind mid way. 2) Its not working and im putting myself in serious long term danger even if it doesnt work. 3) my father and some close friends were told i may not make it to the hospital alive
now, not even three weeks later of saying all this and still in heaps of pain i wander if i should attempt again rather then going back to hospital.... I dont know, i came so close this time but i also came real close to being paralized... is it worth it? will i change my mind again? will life really get better as i get into adult hood? how will my friends feel if i did die? soo many things going through my head but im really not sure.. am i thinking logicly about death or is this just the depression talking?????????
sorry to be a pain but i just really need to get this out. sorry and thanks
:unsure:
My last attempt left my in a wheelchair for 2 weeks and stuck in the trauma ward after getting a broken 'ligament' in my neck.
I remember saying when i had just gotten to the hospital with the neck brace on and being told i may never walk again and had gained a number of injuries if i came out of this ok i would never attempt again for three reasons. 1) when i attempted i changed my mind mid way. 2) Its not working and im putting myself in serious long term danger even if it doesnt work. 3) my father and some close friends were told i may not make it to the hospital alive
now, not even three weeks later of saying all this and still in heaps of pain i wander if i should attempt again rather then going back to hospital.... I dont know, i came so close this time but i also came real close to being paralized... is it worth it? will i change my mind again? will life really get better as i get into adult hood? how will my friends feel if i did die? soo many things going through my head but im really not sure.. am i thinking logicly about death or is this just the depression talking?????????
sorry to be a pain but i just really need to get this out. sorry and thanks
:unsure: