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not really rape...but o well

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by FBD, Jul 11, 2010.

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  1. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    well, someone i know took me out fri for my bday it was my 21st so obviously i got drunk (im in the us, if that clairifies things). we had sex, and sober me would have said no within 100% of a doubt. but me being intoxicated it happened, its not rape because i never said no, but i was also drunk enough that i dont really remember it, but he confirmed it happened the next say by talking about it, and all i did was pretend i remembered it happening and pretended i liked it/

    well im about 10,000,000,000% sure this makes me a slut, but i wanted to admit it happened just so i can make sure i tell myself it did so i believe it
  2. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i should just give up being a person cz well obviously im stupid worthles and should end it now before i do something even more retarded than that....i seriously hate myself more than ever because of this bullshit fuck it
  3. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    You're clearly upset by what happened. You didn't do it on purpose - you are not a slut. It was a mistake, and u need to deal with it, but you can learn from it too. I hope it wasn't ur first or anything coz obviously that makes it harder to deal with but even so, try not to be too hard on yourself about it. It happens to alot of people, you are young and learning though, and this can make you a stronger person, you can turn this into something positive by learning from it, so you don't do the same again. :hug:
  4. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    im stupid ive been raped and i fucking put myself in the same situation, i deserve to die

    i saw one of my coworkers beforehand, i said i would call him if i needed him, and i didnt why because im dumb. im a worthless person and i trust too much

    ive tried to change and it doesnt work

    even if i had said no i doubt it woulda done anythng why because all i am is a piece of meat, im worthless and i dont matter

    i might as well go look for a corner to work, because alll im seen as is a sex toy, noone will ever take me seriously because i dont matter
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. If you don't remember having sex with him, maybe it didn't actually happen and he is just saying that it did? Also, it's not your fault if it did happen, he took advantage of the situation. It doesn't make you a slut or a sex toy. You made a mistake by drinking too much.
  6. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    You are not worthless and not a *****. That is the effect of alcohol we make bad decisions when we have had too much. If there is any part of you that feels it wasn't consensual then you need to take the proper steps. My advice though is to just do your best to stay out of those situations. I am not saying that you have an alcohol issue, but I know for myself all most all things I regret doing have been under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Its ok to have fun and having a drink. Its ok to have sex with people that you want to have sex with. The guy was obviously an ass if he took advantage of you being drunk. Don't beat yourself up over it, just in the future stay by a close friend and if you have had too much get yourself home or somewhere safe. I know this is probably shit you already know, but the point is beating yourself up and hating yourself over it will not change anything. I am sure you are a beautiful person on the inside and out. You deserve to be respected and loved. Don't do this to yourself.
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    That is rape, date rape, but it happens to the best of us. You should not be so hard on yourself. Learn from this experience and move on. I know you feel the way you do, and I personally have been there. But you always have two choices. One- Tell the person it was a mistake and you never ever will get drunk with them again. Then forgive them and yourself and move on. Or two- dwell on this issue and allow it to ruin your life. I suggest number one BTW. Blessings..
  8. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    We all make bad choices at some point when we are drinking, don't beat yourself up so much.

    And no, Daphna, that is not rape as she never said no.
  9. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Learn from your mistakes and move on.

    You have to know your limits when drinking... and drink responsibly... I think it's good that you acknowledge YOU made the mistake and didn't immedietely put the blame on someone else...

    Like I said earlier, just be more responsible next time, and take this as a learning experience, you learn from your mistakes.
  10. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to feed your pity here. First of all, you need to stop telling yourself you are worthless etc. Because everytime you tell yourself that, the more you start to believe it... and eventually you end up being that... you need to snap out of it and accept your mistakes... YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS, try telling yourself that once in a while... accept your mistakes, and learn from them... you can't change the past, you have to accept it...
  11. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    When a guy takes advantage of a drunk woman that he knows wouldn't give him the time of day otherwise, that is rape. The word no doesn't have to be present since it is morally wrong to do that to someone while they are impaired to where they have no memory. I am not telling her to press charges but it is what it is. Blessings..
  12. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    I understand where you are coming from, but calling that rape is irresponsible, as someone could take that as it is okay to press charges which could ruin someone's life. If he was not drinking it is kinda messed up, but pretty far from rape.
  13. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Daphna, sorry to say... but how could you possibly say "the guy knows that she wouldn't do it when sober"?

    I know of guys who have had sex with chicks that they wouldn't have if they were sober, does that mean the women raped them?

    If the word "NO" is not said, the person who drank themselves to the point they don't know whats happening but are still participating are responsible for their own actions... you have to know your limits when drinking, otherwise don't drink! plain and simple... this isn't directed at the OP since she realizes that its her responsibilty not to drink herself to that point.

    Now if the woman is passed out from being drunk and the guy is on top her etc... that would be rape since she isn't even concious... but if the woman is drunk out of her mind but still participating and never said NO... not sure how you can say thats rape...
  14. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    You can call it taking advantage of someone, jumping on an opportuniy, rape. All of them are one and the same anyway you stack it. I have had a cop try to get me drunk in order to have sex with me when I was 18. I knew what he was doing and he knew what he was doing. Would you say he was trying to rape me? And if not, why did he feel the need to buy me a mionor so much alcohol in the first place. And yes I have known men who have been raped while intoxicated by WOMEN and men. Either way it is what it is. I am not going to argue. I do know that if this is the only way you can get laid that is a big problem. Blessings..
  15. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Also men do know if a woman would normally have sex with them or not. We give them plenty of signals while we are around them.
  16. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    This banter is not helpful to the feelings of trefioliecoly!

    I understand the argument -
    Look, I've been tied down and raped as a child, date raped in a drunken stupor when I was 16 (yes, I said no), drugged and gang raped at 18, but also there were times - because of the past that I got myself into situations where - drunk, I didn't say no and I was sorry the next day...not technically rape, but irresponsible and abusive...
    and it all made me feel like garbage - but I am not

    Being raped before, causes a person to let down boundaries and turn off in a way that leaves them defenseless in those situations until they learn that they are worth more than the way they were treated....

    Getting help and counseling can help you to understand that you are so not a slut and you are a valuable - beautiful person that deserves to be treated with respect and kindness - even by yourself. That starts by saying that you were defenseless, and being kind to yourself -

    Be careful and take care of yourself, see if there is anyone you can talk it out with... I am so sorry you are feeling this way :hug:
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Excellent advise TBear. :hug: For the rest of you guys, remember that we're here to support people in crisis, and not to debate the definition of 'rape.'
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