Not really sure what I should do to fix things.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Digital Angel, Sep 2, 2011.

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  1. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I really don't know what to do to make new friends or get a girlfriend. I made the tough decisions of cutting three corrosive people out of my life this summer. One who would get angry WAY too easily but was otherwise a decent friend, my roommate who trashed out apartment causing us to owe 1700 dollars and took advantage of me stealing money, food etc., and another friend who basically treated me like shit whenever we conversed online.

    That being said I don't really have many friends left. And I guess not having these friends kind of takes away the 'aura' that I actually have a social life. There were a lot of girls interested in me and a few liked me that I talked to and socialized with online through facebook for the last couple years. Most of that has crumbled now and I think partially if you don't meet someone in a certain time frame or date them especially if they are attracted to you or make a move it kind of changes the relationship permanently. I am definitely good at social interactions online, but my general lack of life has started to just fuck with me. Likewise, these people do not even really talked to me. I had some fake pseudo long distance relationship with my friend who I almost met and it was fake and all but it was only until she found someone where she lived and we don't really talk anymore. I have to intiate the interaction along with her friend who also seldom talks to me. I kind of regret it because they both were recently super cool with me again or whatever and you say ONE WRONG THING and it just changes everything. I know that's not it, and in retrospect i think I was a little too cocky about everything. Being confident, assertive, unpredictable etc works AMAZING for awhile but eventually you need to reward the person who is chasing, which albeit is nigh impossible to do online but I Should have done it better. I needed to provide more value to the interaction. Now I have just gotten needy as opposed to being this really cool kid they thought was awesome.

    I know these relationships are most likely unreconnciable unless I actually magically get a social life and have girls around again then everyone will 'miss me' all of a sudden. I have one good friend in Illinois (a state away) who I can't even meet again for stupid reasons and a few outlier friends here.

    I really need a girlfriend, need to get amore active life. The girlfriend issue isn't helped that I'm restoring my foreskin (look it up) because it's improved my sexual function dramatically making me MUCH less stress. If I had to go back I would be far worse off, but it's also cumbersome to do so it's like, most girls aren't going to understand and I feel like I have enough baggage. It's frustrating to have another thing I have to hide especially if things get sexual. but like I said that's eons away now if ever. The last girl I kissed was almost 4 years ago and sex was like 2007....I'm sure someone will come in here and inform me they've never had a girl or sex or kissed someone and that is supposed to miraculously make me feel better.

    I guess things I have going for me.

    A job (My job is fucking awful, thus I am lookign for a job closer so I don't have to drive a truck to work as well.
    My Youtube Channel for a hobby with 120 subscribers.
    I have a place to stay for now.
    A car, albeit broken.

    AN dyeah, it's basically impossible tyo get a girl without my car runniing or a cell phone which I am going to try to pay for soon. I am stressed about a lot of things, but am trying to hold on. I need advice please. I can mayube elaborate more in further posts.
    A car trying to get it fixed so it doesn't stall, is undrivable
     
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