Not received the email... MOD (moved to rape and abuse forum)

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by RGB, Nov 5, 2014.

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  1. RGB

    RGB Member

    I haven't received the activation email.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Not received the email...

    Hello and welcome, don't worry about the e-mail, an admin will approve your account when online which should be soon! :hug:
     
  3. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    Thanks. I just want to tell someone about something that happened to me a long time ago.

    No-one else knows about it and sometime it fills my head up with a darkness.
     
  4. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    I just thought if I could write it down it would somehow feel as if I had released it.
     
  5. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    Can I wrote something here?
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Not received the email...

    Yes, sure of course you can talk here. When the account is approved I will then move the posts to the correct section :)
     
  7. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    Thank you.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Not received the email...

    You're welcome and you have definitely come to the right place, you can talk here in confidence, you won't be judged, and the people here will care, promise!! :)
     
  9. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    When I was 14 I was introduced to a group of young men. They were between 17 - 21, and I was introduced by a girl at school. I went to an all girls school and I had no real opportunity to meet boys. They were well dressed and flashy - they were old enough to drive, buy alcohol, all of that stuff.

    They were always hanging around town and, as we all did as teenagers, me and my friends used to go into town every weekend. The girl from school started to invite us to parties, where these boys (men) would be. I was never allowed to go as my parents were pretty strict.

    My friend's parents were much more relaxed and so I started staying over with her. They let us stay out late, picked us up whatever time it was and even turned a blind eye to us drinking - something parents would have been furious about.

    We started going to under 18s night at a local club, but N, my friend, quickly got bored with it and everyone wanted to be cool and go to the main nights. We got fake ID and started going clubbing. It was rife in the small city I lived in - about half of the people on any given night were between 14-18.

    One of the older men in the group started paying me special attention when he saw me. He used to tell me how beautiful I was, and how much he would like to be my boyfriend. All the stuff that sounds so stupid now. One night he kissed me. I was 14 and he was 21. I was so flattered - he was good looking, had a car, a job and yet he picked me!

    We went outside and things started getting more serious. I started to feel uncomfortable. I was cold, I felt far away from my friends and I didn't like what was happening. He asked if could have sex. I said I didn't want to (I had only ever kissed 2 boys at this point in my life). But he told me that he couldn't resist me and that I would enjoy it. He pinned me against a wall and forced his way into me. I didn't fight because I was frightened. Frightened of what would happen if I pushed him away. Frightened of how he would react. It hurt immensely.

    When he finished he told me that next time he would get me in a bed. He walked me back to the club and then walked away. I was desperate to get away from him. He told everyone we had just had sex. I was devastated, but said nothing.

    I could barely walk for the next week with the pain. One of the people he told laughed at me in the street the next day and said he must have given me an amazing ride because I could hardly walk. There was blood and pus still running down my legs.

    I stopped going out for a while and then I flipped. I started drinking heavily and going to lots of late night clubbing and everyone used to say I was a slapper. I didn't sleep with anyone properly until a long time later. I read an article that said you be a born again virgin if your first time isn't the first time you chose. That was my mantra.

    I met a lovely boy and we were together for two years. It was very sweet. He knew he wasn't the first, but we never talked about the detail. I once told one friend - and he told my boyfriend I had been raped and I just flat denied it. I couldn't bear the thought of people knowing what had happened to me that night.

    I have never told anyone about any of this. I am now happily married, to a wonderful man, and have a wonderful daughter. We used to have a great sex life.

    All the news about child grooming has somehow opened up this box of darkness which I thought I had buried so well. When I look back on how things happened I know that I was not the only girl he preyed upon, and he was quite open about his focus on 14 and 15 year olds.

    I started to look for him on the internet. He still lives in my home town. He has a facebook profile where he seems to constantly post jokes about Saville and Rolf Harris and child grooming and it makes me sick because I know where it comes from. His friends probably think he is just a bit of a lad. I am 40 now, so he must be 47.

    I thought I had left it all behind and now it just overwhelms me. It's like something festering inside, but the thought of anyone I know finding out makes me feel sick and ashamed and desperate.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Not received the email...

    Hi again,

    I am really sorry that happened to you. More than 20 years ago...I believe it was very different back then (I am 25 btw), I agree that all the news about paedophiles lately is getting on people's nerves but I do believe that something good can come out of it. It was reported that because of saville and rolf harris that there was an increase in reported rapes and assaults, it got people thinking talking and raising publicity in general.

    What happened to you is NOT your fault. He is sick and dirty and should be ashamed of himself. He took advantage of a young girl thinking he was a big man. As I was always told when I was a little child sex is for when you are in love etc... so when you are robbed of that special first time in a vile way, it has lasting effects not to mention post traumatic stress disorder which I think is what you're experiencing.

    The people here know I was raped when I was just 12 years old. I put the feelings of shame etc to the back of my mind, I got counselling. It happened in 2002 when I was 12 babysitting for a neighbour, I reported it in 2011, the DPP made the decision in Jan 2013 that there was not enough evidence to prosecute. Despite them not taking on the case, people still won't go near him. They know what he's like.....sorry I am getting of topic, I will never forget the physical pain of it either, it was horrific. But I am glad I was surrounded by supportive people and this community here helped so much.

    It does help to talk so I am glad you finally are, there is no shame in it at all. He broke the law, not you. Keep talking, I hope it will help and again I am so sorry this has happened, I think you should tell your doctor after that you can decide whether to tell your husband or not (also its great to hear you're happily married now). One step at a time as to not overwhelm yourself.

    We are here for you. Much caring, petal xx
     
  11. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    Thank you. Thank you so much.

    I don't think I can even say the words out loud but just being here has helped.

    Just to have someone say I'm not being a stupid little girl who's just trying to cover up a sexual experience.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. One of things I understand less and less is what makes men focus on young girls. I am sorry if I have made you open up your experience again.

    When I was 14 I thought I could be mistaken for an adult. But now I know that is nonsense. I think I had a particular look that attracted an unpleasant type of man. I also had a man stalk me and buy me clothes and give me flowers (I never accepted any of them). I had never met him, but he would follow me round shops when he saw me at the weekends (it lasted for 3 consecutive weeks) and try and give me things and tell me he was in love with me. I reported that to the police. They didn't go after him, but the police lady I spoke to walked with me to a coffee shop and sat with me - I never saw him again after that.

    Then there was an old man in Bath who pushed his hand up my skirt and tried to get inside my underwear (I was on a school trip wearing my uniform). When I followed my mother's advice and shouted loudly 'get off me you filthy old man' my friend (N again) told me to stop being embarrassing.
     
  12. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    When I feel bad I do things that make me hate myself more. I spend money on on-line gambling, or eat things I don't want to. Just stuffing it in whilst the voice in my head feels like it's a punishment I deserve.
     
  13. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    I just want to say thank you again. Your reply opened up a massive level of sobbing which I have never managed to do before. Thank you for sharing your experience with me, and for not telling me that mine wasn't a 'proper' assault.

    Just a massive massive thank you. What you have done for me tonight has made me feel like I've had the hug that I needed. Thank you.
     
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Re: Not received the email...

    I just wanted to let you know I've manually activated your account, so everything should work now. :hug:
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Not received the email...

    Hey again, you are very welcome and have nothing to be sorry about. I'm am at a stage where I could tell a stranger in the street what happened and I wouldn't feel like I was a naive, stupid, gullible etc... child/teen. It was not your fault and no shame at all should be directed at you. You have just reminded me of something, in counselling I said to her maybe I should try and get inside his mind and see his view, she screamed NO!! Do not go there. They are sick people who cannot be rehabilitated. I am so glad you came here, I really am. Talking helps.

    Actually it was here I first spoke of what happened to me years ago then I made the step to tell my sister then my moms friend then a while later I said fuck it I am not letting him take over and control my mind and life, walked straight into the station and said X is a dirty paedophile, spent hours there made a statement, all fear was gone when the trained officer explained I had nothing to be scared of, very professional and even now they ring me from time to time to see how I am, wonderful officers :) Earlier though after it happened I did believe it was my fault due to me trying to look much older than I was, dyed hair, tight fitting clothes make-up....but now I realise if I had looked like pamela anderson he still broke the law, had no right to do what he did and he is a dirty dirty man!! Damn I tried so hard to get him prosecuted, I did all I could.

    Now for you hun, baby steps, talking here was your first. I am online every day here so I can be your buddy in dealing with this if you want. Again, soooo sorry he did what he did, none of it was your fault.

    Oh and the things you do when you feel bad- that is perfectly normal, we all have coping mechanisms, I know it's extremely hard for you, but you're strong and can get through this! Just a thought popped into my mind, how would you feel about calling the samaritans and actually speaking out loud about it confidentially or the rape crisis centre?

    Big hugs! You can get through this! xxx
     
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Not received the email...

    I have moved this thread to the rape and abuse section. If you read (if it's not too triggering for you) the other threads here you will feel much less alone I believe. I only just met you and I care about you! Hugs :hug:
     
  17. RGB

    RGB Member

    Re: Not received the email...

    Thank you. x
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Not received the email...

    You're very welcome hun xoxoxox
     
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