I cant even explain how I feel right now. But I know I dont like it. I've tried so hard to hold on. I dont even have a plan really, just time. But deep down this feels like it will be right, more right than anytime that was planned. I posted so much today, trying to fight this feeling and the pain that was dumped on me again. I've run out of ways to stay safe. And I've run out of energy or will to try. I tried calling for help, the Crisis unit, but I just couldn't make them understand. I feel so f*cking alone. Even chat doesn't do it tonight. I keep searching the forums, going to chat, playing arcade, because I know if I leave here, chances are I won't be back. It's not like I want to be dead, but rather I need to be dead. I'm so alone but ready.