Not seeing the point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Idontknowfml1122, May 30, 2015.

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  1. I am a 28 year old male. I have been failing my whole life. I don't know wether it was the dirty drugs or depression but I never made it past freshman year. Since then it's been nothing but failed relationships and drug use. I'd fall for anyone who gave me the time of day. Any woman who've I've come close to has always considered me a retarded or an idiot. My friends consider me as a space case on a permanent trip and deal with me trailing off or spacing out. I work, but have no respect and am constantly fucking up. I wake up from dreams of a person I'll never be. I feel retarded. I get lost in my home town I can't seem to learn anything new. Getting up and going to work is so hard. The notion of not having to push through another day is the only that makes me happy. Why can't it be my choice? Why is it so wrong?
     
  2. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    It's never too late to turn your life around. If school's not working out for you, then don't bother with it- besides, I feel like the school system is corrupt anyway. You've got to keep a flow of income, so you've got to keep working, but you can always search for new jobs if you're not happy working the one you currently have.

    You've got to stop using drugs.
    You will continue to hurt your chances at a happy life unless you can scrape off this bad habit. I really believe that this is the first step you've gotta take- and if you can't do it alone, maybe you can get someone who specializes in curing drug addiction to help you. Doing drugs is unproductive, and by doing them you're holding yourself back from potentially finding healthier hobbies and escapes. Watch a TV series, jump into the world of a book, maybe create something- there's a lot of better things you can be doing with your time, and you may end up finding something you're passionate about. Finding a passion can spark some dreams, cause you to set goals for yourself- having those things is great for fighting depression.

    Romance doesn't tend to work out unless both people in the relationship were already happy with their lives going into it. It's tough, but you've got to stop chasing after relationships till you're actually happy on your own.

    Your friends may think of you as a space case and the sort, but you can always prove them wrong. You can change! you just need to have enough willpower to do it.

    Maybe you feel like none of this matters, that you'd rather just be done with having to try at life. But if you give up, you're definitely never going to be happy. What if in a couple months, or a few years, you find something that makes you start enjoying your life? If you die now, you will never experience that. You don't know what the future has in store for you, so why not give it a shot? you may be pleasantly surprised.

    World's massive, and there's so many wonderful things about it. Certainly a lot of horrible things about it too, but we can't have good things without bad things too, after all. There's definitely gotta be something in it that can bring you happiness though, so try to be optimistic and keep looking for it. Sticking to a depressed mindset is like digging your own grave- you've gotta snap out of it.

    Sorry if I said anything unreasonable or cheesy etc, writing this while feeling rather out of things (tired and in physical pain). Hope you can find a reason to go on.
     
  3. I'm sorry your in physical pain. I find nothing you said to be cheesy or unreasonable. Drugs are not the problem, but the damage is permanent. I wake up with this horrible feeling every day. Just functioning is a huge task. I have a job so I can survive. My depression is obvious and I can't help it. People at work ask me why I look like I want to kill myself. I forget what my voice sounds like because I've gone so long without speaking to anyone. Every day I look at my phone for a call or a msg, but It never comes. I feel so desperate and alone. I've made a list of things I should be doing, but the motivation is never there. I just want a off switch so desperately, it's hard to think of anything else.
     
  4. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    I'm ok now, it was just that I probably ate something bad.

    The damage may be permanent, but there should be diet and lifestyle changes that can help you get feeling at least a bit healthier again. If you drink anything like soda or alcohol, it may be a good idea to switch to drinking herbal teas and the sort. Getting your blood flowing every once in a while by taking a jog can really help you feel good as well. Try to make sure you get enough rest too.

    It seems like the root of your problems is that you're constantly feeling bad physically, so once you can solve that, it should be a lot easier to break out of the depression and get motivated. People often avoid people who are constantly depressed, but once you can get back into the right mindset, the friends will probably start to come.
     
  5. I've stopped maniacally planing. Just to have someone say something to me really helped. Another attempt may have been my last. I came across this site searching for a painless method of suicide. It helps to see I'm not the only one.
     
  6. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    That's actually the reason I found this site as well. Glad to have helped!
     
  7. A painless suicide is what I am searching for, I pray every night to die in my sleep but wake up every morning again depressed & angry at myself & life. I felt ok morning for a while this morning but after an hour the doom & gloom took hold again. I have worked so hard to heal myself of depression & anxiety but to no avail. If I want to die & think about suicide most of the time then I must really want to die. I have this fear of Hell from religious teaching which plays on my mind but when the pain gets too bad I'm sure I will do it. Living with this hell for the majority of my life is wrong & unfair and it is humiliating so death would be a peace for me.
     
  8. Yeah, I know how you feel. It's a ongoing thought of escape from are fucked up past and what awfull things are next. I swear I have a curse following me, literally nothing has worked out and I'm miles away from where I started, and My dreams are fading away into monotonous slavery to pay of debts, fines, and basic amenities. It's hard to want to do anything else when we're so sure of are cure.

    Though, in my own experiences with being nearly dead, out of body experiences, years of hallucinogen abuse I've come to believe there is an after life, that what we do on this life will effect us in the next. Energy can not be created nor destroyed and we have some kind of energy running through us. So suicide, don't think the outcome would be great. It helps me to think as life as short and death as infinite. Push through this mess and try to be a good person to ensure some kind of pleasant after life.

    We feel miserable daily we (or maybe just me) spend months seperating our selves from other humans. We are lead to believe that being alone is not ok, through music, movies, books, every thing is telling us that to be happy we need someone else. But you know what? Fuck that, most people are self serving pricks, humans are generally not good beings. It's ok to be alone. Find something outside of social media,television , and other humans that you can look forward to.
    I am not strong by any means, and the thought is daily, but what helps me get through the worst moments of panicking over exsistance is (this sounds dumb) breathing, like listen to your self take deep breaths like you forgot how to breathe, and focus on just that for as long as you possible can. Stop any other thoughts as soon as they come. This for me takes away the panic. We have fed those bad thoughts and they've taken over, and if we take moments to realize are breathing, heart beats, and every part of our physical selfs it's will be easier for us in time to live in the moment. Over thinking and over analyzing separates the body from the mind (tool quote)
     
  9. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    Don't let yourself slip into that mindset! if you're angry with life, keep trying to change it, don't give up. If life's not doing it for you, change some things up- try new things and meet new people.
     
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