Gave in. Didnt feel like it really, i was just mad that when i wanted to the other day i couldnt. So I made up for it. It felt really good....mostly. I couldnt just not do it. That was never an option. I usually dont get the adrenaline rush from it but tonight i did, my hands were shaking so i had to stop occasionaly and calm down enough to go again. Needless to say i did it more times than id planned. And i'm strangely happy about it. Because i didnt give in to the physical pain, just powered through it. Soo i guess im... Ashamed that it happened...but happy that i did it. And i know someone will see the scars eventually but thats a day far in the future i hope.