• SF has fixed the certificate issue. There was never a security issue with the site, only an expired certification. It has been renewed and all is well. Sorry for any frustration this has caused you :)
  • Both the iPhone/Apple and Android versions of the SF mobile app are now available for download from the resources page. The app is free for all members. It will allow you to get notifications on your mobile device whenever a thread or forum you watch has a new post, when your thread or posts get replies, when you recieve a private message, etc. Chat is not accessible on the app as it conflicts with the software on the site. The links to download are in the resources area - https://www.suicideforum.com/community/resources/categories/example-category.1/

Not So "Kool" Aid

Not open for further replies.
I remember when i was younger, me and my fiends read about Jonestown and all of those poor brainwashed souls who died from drinking poision-laced Flavor Aid. I wondered to myself what it would take to get to the point that you would give your life away so easily. In the summer of 2005, I found out.

I had been working at a steel mill, making crap pay. The boss always yelling in my ear, the heat, the stench, everything made me tired, and angry. However, as a firm believer in God, I tried not to let my spirirt weaken. I did my best to stick it out, looking for a light at the end of this bleak tunnel.

The hotter the summer got, the worse I felt. I was barely making enough to pay the bills, my newborn baby going without her needs, my wife crying day after endless day. It really got to me. And somewhere in the depression and despair, my mind stopped working properly. Everything finally hit me at once, and I made the worst decision of my life.

To me, it made sense that if God loved me, and God wanted me, then I should be with him. So one day at lunch, I slipped <mod edit: bunny - methods> into a an 18 ounce cup of orange kool-aid. I figured I could just go to sleep, and never wake up. What I didn't realize is that 25 minutes later I would pass out on a forklift.

I barely made it to the hospital in time, my lungs were becoming paralyzed and my breathing was getting low. Thankfully I was saved and have since seen the error of my ways. My life is a little better, and i'm happy just to be alive. Even though every now and then I get into a funk and get those old feelings back...Right now i'm just thankful...I'm blessed.
Last edited by a moderator:


The biggest loser ever to live.
Interesting title and a wonderful story.
I'm so glad that you've turned your life around and are hopefully walking on the right path. How is your wife and child doing now?
I must say that you are extremely lucky and not many in your situation would have made it out alive, you should count yourself very lucky and blessed. :smile:


The biggest loser ever to live.
Yeah, maybe it does sound insincere, but it was rushed, I was in a hurry when typing this but I am an honest and caring person on these forums.
I appreciate your response. However I am glad that YOU were not one of the ones sent to help me, as your improper reply due to being rushed could have easily resulted in my death. Thankfully the caring people show it rather than say it.


Staff Alumni
I cannot see what you object to in Rahul's response tbh... many people would be glad of someone who showed an interest and I don't see how in any way this would have precipitated someone to take their own life. I would be grateful if you could remember that all our members are vulnerable and have problems of their own, yet they take the time to try and help others... responses such as yours may well make them feel less inclined next time.


Well-Known Member
Since when did people on teh forum who come here to

A) seek advice
B) share their problems or story
C) just get attention

have the audacity to dictate if someones post is " long" or " sincere" enough, surely the fact he took bloody interest in your story is enough.


Deepest_Regret said:
Since when did people on teh forum who come here to

A) seek advice
B) share their problems or story
C) just get attention

have the audacity to dictate if someones post is " long" or " sincere" enough, surely the fact he took bloody interest in your story is enough.
Never forget that many of us here are suicidal - critical posts are more likely than supporting ones when all we ourselves can see is darkness. You should not be so quick to rush to judgement.


The biggest loser ever to live.
I hope I didn't say anything hurtful, did I? I'm sorry that some of my posts are rushed and if that annoys anyone.

Sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings here. :hiding:
NorthWind said:
Humm I really don’t see the sincerity in your post to GoodbyCruelworld.

I don't see any problem with Rahul1000's reply.
But I DO see a problem with your little comment there. You don't have anything to reply to GoodbyeCurelWorld, but you have the nerve to comment someone else's reply? And btw, you didn't even spell his username right ...
"GoodbyCruelworld". That shows a sincere interest doesn't it? :rolleyes:
Nice introduction ... (sarcastic)

GoodbyeCurelWorld - you should be glad that rahul1000 took the time to read your post and reply to it in the first place. If you seek professional advices go to a counselor or something, most people on this site are not professionals, they are troubled people who try to help each other and offer a support despite their own emotional pain. I am one of them too. And I know that a comment like yours can be hurtful...


Well-Known Member
i didnt see anything wrong with that reply... i actually think the first post, was put into the wrong topic.... but anyway, ive been gone for awhile.. it makes me sad that people are acting this way.... this person was in a hurry, they could have just not responded, but they did....

hmm... i hope you are doing better now.. andi hope everyone can just calm down a bit!
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount