hi all i recently 'crashed' and found myself scouring the internet for help - i did this because i remember a number of years ago, doing the same thing and finding a great support group/forum that helped for the short while i still had internet access. it turns out, that the forum i was on was actually this one! huh. and my name still floats in the system - oldshoe. LOL. go figure. boy, but 5 years is a long time. in that time, i had one suicide attempt, got a great job, found my passion in life, watched my kids grow up, made some terrific friends, learned new skills, was heartbroken, fell out of love, fell in love again... in short, i _lived_. this discovery today has been cathartic. i am able to see a bigger picture, with real evidence that i passed this way once and i'm able to see my footprints between then and now. wow. i considered not joining here, considering my current crisis is over (or at least the panic part of it anyway, but of course i ask myself 'for how long?'). but that would be selfish. i think i'd like to stay here a bit and share my story, possibly share a little hope with others out there who are feeling now the way i have in the past. living can be painful, but it is full of thrills and discoveries too. hi everyone!