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not so sure

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I really want to go. But i cannot.
I feel a desperate emptyness inside.

But i cant kill myself because i know my mother would go crazy, probably kill herself ... and i got little brothers who need her. So...
but i would like to go.

i dunno what the real prob. is:
(sounds stupid) but i am really good looking, always find people that want to go out with me. i got nice friends, but i dont care.

another problem i cant handle: i freak out at least twice every day.
eg: I was dating a boy (guess i liked him) as he told me he cant imagine a relationship at this time, which is basically alright with me. I dont no why, but i beat him up an throw all those 4letter-words to him.

There is no sense in live. Existence seems so absurd.
But i am not brave enough to go.
And so i grow more and more sad every day ...

Always Alone

Belive me, if you have even the slightest doubt about what your doing, don't do. Find the part of you that wants to live and hang on to it.

I wish I could give you advice on that relationship stuff, but I suck at all that stuff.

If your not sure what the problem is, then keep posting here, and read others posts, you might find stuff you can relate to, and realize through that what your own reasons are, then you cant try to make them better.

Take care,
thank you
but the problem is - for example:
there are 20 things in my life that work really good. and only one bad.
i forget all the good things. just see the bad one and lose the meaning of life.

i see it. and i know it. but i cant stop it.
so i think the only way to get out is suicide..... but i dont want to hurt my mum.


Staff Alumni
Try writing down all the good things you spoke about. Then when you begin to dwell on the bad, pull out the writing and remind yourself of the things that are good. Try to focus on these instead. After awhile your thinking may change and you will be able to focus on the positives and not dwell on the negative. Just a thought. :hug:
thank you. i already tried.
it is so worst that when i am depressed, i really hate the good things.
i hate my friends, though they just want to help.
i hate my job. just everything.

i cannot handle my own character....

i love my face but i hate my mind.

i wish i could be brave enough to shoot me. but im not.
i am such a cowardly shitty wanker.


Staff Alumni
It takes more courage to stay alive and face what we are going through than it does to end it. The solution is out there for you, we just need to find what works. Don't give up. Let's brainstorm and see what we can come up with. I am here if you need to talk to someone. PM me and I will get back to you as soon a s I can. :hug:
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