I've just come to the realisation of why I'm such a loner. Why I don't keep in touch with my family and why I don't keep in contact with friends. It is because I've always known deep down that I'll commit suicide, there will be less people to upset and it should minimise the hurt. I'm just so detached from everything. I decided a long time ago I didn't want to live and have just been going as long as possible ever since. Nothing has changed. I tried to live a good life and be kind but I just can't cope in this world much longer, life is so empty and the walls are going to cave in. There is nothing worth living for, I look forward to the time when I will be at peace and no longer have any worries.