Not strictly an attempt, but...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Cariad_Bach, Dec 7, 2011.

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  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    I crashed my car. Turned it over and parked it on its roof in a country lane. It was a total accident. Although I have thought about doing it on purpose, it was actually completely accidental.

    I had a complete sense of relief when I thought I was going to die. It felt amazing. It was almost disappointing to crawl out without a scratch or bruise on me.

    I spent a month remembering that feeling, and somehow it helped me to carry on, because it meant I knew there was an 'out', which would work, because I nearly had it. So I didn't have to take it, if that makes sense, like a safety net or something.

    I want to feel that relief again.

    But now I'm starting to forget what it felt like. I can't remember what relief is, so I can't even look forward to it when it comes (naturally or otherwise).

    I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say, or what I want to ask.

    Its not even that I feel more suicidal. I just feel more... empty.

    Can anyone understand?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I truly do understand. I was on a mountain in CA and a tornado was following me down. I was going to slow up and let it take me away. Nature had control and no one would fault me...finally, something was in control...but I did not let it happen...I know my will to live is very strong..but I do truly get where you were...I hope you work on ways to control how you feel by other means, that way we get to share with you
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