Everything is a fight and I don't know if I can keep trying to be strong. Getting up in the morning is a fight, so is being sociable every day, walking for more than a few steps, breathing is a fight at the moment cos every breath causes pain. Even reading and writing is an effort. Yeah I'm thick, laugh it up. It'd be so easy to just give up and be the waste of space I know I really am. I can't ever take it easy for just 5 minutes. I have to be some perfect saint all the time. Can't I be weak for just one second? Can't I be stupid or angry or boring or think of myself for just a moment? Just like everyone else who gets forgiven for it over and over again. But oh no not me. I'm so fucking evil inside that I have to be perfect every milisecond or I'm not worth shit to anybody. I can't let down my gaurd, never ever ever. Without walls I'm weak, and if I'm weak I should be hurt so as to teach me not to do that again. Ridicule me, hurt me, never let up for a moment or I'll forget that I'm the bottom of the pile.