Not Suicide I Just Need Something

I'm So Sick Of Who I Am Right Now
I'm A Manic Depressive
I Have Mad Social Anxiety
And Life Just Seem So Wrong Lately
I Used To Be Very Suicidle I Used To Try To Cut All Of The Flesh From My Body Just So That I Didn't Recognize Myself
I Still Hate To Look In The Mirror
But Emotionally I Hate Who I've Become
I Had A Very Good Period For About 7 Months
I Was Happy
Care Free
I Mean Everyday Stress Of Course
But Nothing Like What It Used To Be
For The Last Month
Everything Is Coming Back To Me
My Meds Have Stopped Working
I Talk To My Mom About Everything
But All We Do Is Fight Lately
I Had A Boyfriend
We Broke Up And Now I Want To Be with Him
But He Just Plays Fucking Games With Me
He Kills Me
Breaks Me Down And makes Me Feel Worthless
I Was Never Someone to Change For Anyone Or anything
Very Independant
And Now
I Have changed who I am so much
And I can't get me back
I Oded A Couple Of Weeks Ago
I Just Lost It
I've Changed So Much Because Of This Kid
That I've Lost Friends Over It
I Don't Fucking Know What To Do
I JUST WANT TO GET ME BACK







​

 

Hi hun, I'm Bipolar too. If you're meds arent working then you really need to tell your doctor about it, so that you can find something that works. I'm not really a great person to give advice about relationships, so I'm a little useless when it comes to your mom and ex. But i do know that you shoudn't have to change who you are, especially if it makes you dislike yourself. If i can do anything to help feel free to PM me.

Kurt

 

Hi and welcome

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now.. it sounds really difficult and the situation with this guy doesn't sound like it's helping. I know it's really difficult, especially as a part of you would like to get back together with him, but maybe it would be best to not have any more contact with him? I'm not saying it would be easy.. but it may help you get some closure on your relationship so you can move on?

Hope it helped to talk here.. please keep writing.. we'll listen and support as best we can

:rose:
Jenny x

 

Is this ex boyfriend of yours your first love?
I find that the first is the hardest to get over. I can promise you that you it will get better, but it does take time. When I broke up with my first love I was shattered, we had been together 4 years and I felt like my whole life was over. All of my future plans had revolved around our relationship and I felt lost. Looking back I can see that while it was an important relationship in my life it wasn't the last and it wasn't the best either.

As for your meds not working I agree that you need to see your doctor. I'm also manic depressive and I know it's tough. You shouldn't have to suffer like this and if you can get on medication that works it will be a lot easier to deal with some of the other problems in your life.


J.

 

just curious, what are you and your mother fighting about?

 

I'm honestly trying to get him out of my life
but he has made so many positive and negative changes to who i am that its really difficult
we were only together 6 months
but he was basically living at my house
=/ I wish it was easy to just get rid of emotions



My mom and I are fighting about stupid things
Like my car broke down so we fought about how she thinks its my fault
and my job doesn't pay enough
but atleast I have a job
its just tough
going from talking to her about everything
to not being able to have a pleasent conversation

 

Oh and yeah he is my first love...I'm not much of the person to trust anyone and I trusted him...turned out to be a huge mistake.our conversation today was me can I came get my stuff
him I'll give it to brantly so he can bring it to you
me..brantly doesn't talk to me anymore
him WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING BITCH
Me...do we have to do this
then him hanging up

it hurts...bad

I hate us being like that

 

It sounds like he's being a jerk. Whatever his problem is it's not your fault and you shouldn't have to take the brunt of his anger or frustrations. It sounds like something is bothering him and he's projecting it onto you. Keep in mind that he's not perfect either and that it's probably not as personal as it seems right now. Even if it is, obviously he's not worth your tears and heartache. Don't let his feelings about you (or his harsh words) determine how you feel about yourself. It may be best if you just don't talk to him at all, at least for awhile. He needs to get whatever it is out of his system and you can't allow him to hurt you anymore.

Best of luck,

J.