Not Sure About the Future

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Franky, Dec 31, 2009.

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  1. Franky

    Franky New Member

    I've been on and off suicidal for about two years now I think. Maybe longer actually, but as I get older the suicidal thoughts become stronger. I did almost attempt it once in mid-2008, when I basically got fired from my first professional job for not talking enough.

    The reason I don't do it as because of hope. I hope that things will get better and I will be able to live a normal life, but it is just not happening. I have social anxiety and it has made me quite depressed a lot of the time. I get very lonely and everyday my mind is full of thoughts. I think about all the missed opportunities and regrets I have. I would just rather be dead than to have to live everyday with all these depressing thoughts.

    I'm very distant from my family and I am extremely jealous of other peoples life. I can't get close to anyone and it's just really hard having all these anxious thoughts.

    The other reason I don't want to do it yet is because it might really shock my family and friends and I just don't really want to stress them out...I wish I could just disappear.

    I'm a unemployed university graduate with no where to go in life. I've been doing job interviews for professional positions recently, but no success. I really don't want to be working a minimum wage job and the idea of it just makes me feel like a failure.

    I'm just so muddled up, I don't know where I fit in anywhere.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi Franky and welcome to SF.
    I hope you find what I have found and caring, this place saved my life so know that there is hope as you have found us.
    Many of us are in therapy, on meds or have a great support system to get through and battle our depression you have anything like that in your life? If not are you open to it? I am on meds and they have changed my life..I hate that I am a grown professional graduate that battles all this crap but I have reached out and gotten help so please hang on to that hope you talked about.
    BTW you can PM me if you feel more comfortable talking there and I will share with you all that I have to give.
    You are not alone and we care,
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