Not Sure About the Future

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Franky, Dec 31, 2009.

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  1. Franky

    Franky New Member

    I've been on and off suicidal for about two years now I think. Maybe longer actually, but as I get older the suicidal thoughts become stronger. I did almost attempt it once in mid-2008, when I basically got fired from my first professional job for not talking enough.

    The reason I don't do it as because of hope. I hope that things will get better and I will be able to live a normal life, but it is just not happening. I have social anxiety and it has made me quite depressed a lot of the time. I get very lonely and everyday my mind is full of thoughts. I think about all the missed opportunities and regrets I have. I would just rather be dead than to have to live everyday with all these depressing thoughts.

    I'm very distant from my family and I am extremely jealous of other peoples life. I can't get close to anyone and it's just really hard having all these anxious thoughts.

    The other reason I don't want to do it yet is because it might really shock my family and friends and I just don't really want to stress them out...I wish I could just disappear.

    I'm a unemployed university graduate with no where to go in life. I've been doing job interviews for professional positions recently, but no success. I really don't want to be working a minimum wage job and the idea of it just makes me feel like a failure.

    I'm just so muddled up, I don't know where I fit in anywhere.
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi Franky and welcome to SF.
    I hope you find what I have found here....support and caring, this place saved my life so know that there is hope as you have found us.
    Many of us are in therapy, on meds or have a great support system to get through and battle our depression ...do you have anything like that in your life? If not are you open to it? I am on meds and they have changed my life..I hate that I am a grown professional graduate that battles all this crap but I have reached out and gotten help so please hang on to that hope you talked about.
    BTW you can PM me if you feel more comfortable talking there and I will share with you all that I have to give.
    You are not alone and we care,
    Bambi
     
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