Not Sure How All This Works

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Julia-C, Feb 10, 2011.

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  1. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if I'm at the right place. I'm not sure if I qualify to be here. I only know I don't fear death, and each day I feel like I wish death would hurry up and get here. I have never attempted.... well you know. It feels like I live in GRAY. Yes I mean the color gray. I know it doesn't make sense. I begun feeling like that about 12 or so years ago.... it isn't getting better.

    Earlier today I was driving back home from..... and while crossing a river on the interstate I wondered to myself. If this bridge collapsed, how long would it take to fall to the water? Would the impact from my car dropping nearly 100 feet to the water knock me out? Would I survive the fall just to find myself trapped in the car wrapped in mangled support beams from the bridge? How long would it take to drown? That's when this thought crossed my mind. "It would be my luck that an air pocket would be trapped in a small corner of the car and I wouldn't drown. I would end up living long enough for rescue workers to arrive and pull me out."

    That thought both scared and comforted me at the same time. My mind began to go over what I perceived would be a drowning experience. I became so distracted by it, I almost steered into the side of an 18 wheeler. Instead of the normal heart pounding panic and reaction, I laughed. Needless to say I felt weird, I still feel weird.

    I'm not sure about much of anything any more. I don't like having these thoughts. I just don't know anymore....
  2. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    hi!:) i know how those thoughts are. everyday drivimg hime from school. i wish, maybe that person will hit me, i almost hope it, whaat makes you think like this, feel free to pm me whenever
  3. Ardo85

    Ardo85 Active Member

    I had a few instances with those type of things going through my mind. I recall sitting in the back seat of my friends car and I was a bit intoxicated. On the interstate going 60 mph I thought to myself "What would happen if I just opened the door and dived out of the car?"

    I recall walking through a two story mall and it was almost like I was compelled to jump over the railing.

    Several times while driving as a semi appears in the oncoming lane the thought crosses my mind to simply steer into its path.

    When I look back those thoughts seem scary, so you aren't alone. A lot of suicidal people think and consider these possibilities.
  4. Lizzieni

    Lizzieni Well-Known Member

    I've felt this many times myself, especially whilst driving. So you're not alone. I would yes I've probably had less of these accidental death fantasies since I became intentionly suicidal- not a good thing, hope you stay strong.Hugs.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I too think about the many ways that a person could die. One of my favourite tv shows is '1000 ways to die' which is about the strangest ways that people have unintentionally died. Death is all around us. Just don't let these thoughts consume you. If you hope that something bad will happen, then you have come to the right place, because you are having suicide ideation. :hug:
  6. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I don't think I am suicidal. I just think I look forward to the end.

    I'm just so tired, I can sleep and sleep but I don't feel rested. IDK.
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