So there's actually a few things I'm not sure how to deal with, or more like, I have no clue at all.. First there's the fact that I have to 'get rid' of my cat. Not cuz I want to, but it's actually doctor's order. I've been having issues with my lungs and breathing and all that for months now, and I finally went to my GP last month. They did some blood tests and what not, turns out I'm like actually above the highest category of allergies with my cat-allergy. I got pills for it, and also a little breather thing for the moments I get all unable to breathe and stuff. But that only helps a little. And the doctor really wants me to make sure I'm not around cats anymore, meaning Madeleine has to go away. Now people who've known me for a while know how much Mads means to me. My best friend C. and I got her in February 2007, when I dropped out of university and really had nothing to keep me going. Mads came into my life and she was just always around, many times she was what stopped my thoughts from being suicidal, if you know what I mean. She's just a big part of my life and she's played big part in where I am today. And it just kills me not to be able to hug her. Of course I still hug her sometimes, but it always results in me getting itchy all over and being unable to move without losing breath, and it's really a very scary feeling not being able to breathe. But yeah, in about 6 months she can go to C. as she'll be living somewhere then with her boyfriend and they can take in Mads then. Meanwhile I'm looking for someone who's willing to take her in until then, but so far no luck. And it just hurts to see her here everyday, coming to me for attention but me not being able to give her the attention she wants and that I want to give her. And just knowing that's she's going away in half a year hurts like hell.. I'm trying to start to emotionally detach myself from her, but I just can't she's such a sweet cat! There's even quite a few people who used to be scared of cats or hate cats, until they met Mads, one of them now even has a cat of their own! Then there's the other issue.. I know something which I just can't talk to anyone about, because most people just don't understand and they just brush it off like it's nothing, which hurts even more. And I know there are a few people whom I KNOW would understand, but I can't tell them, for several reasons, one being that it's not my secret to tell. I just don't know how to deal with this ya know..