not sure how to feel

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by takencontrol, Jan 8, 2011.

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  1. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i was told tonight my brother is on heroin, while i had a rough idea he was on something i didnt know what. the problem is i dont know how i feel about it, because he has caused so many problems my initial reaction is to say i dont care but.....hes my brother. you see hes been a problem for a long time, he lives with my mum and because of problems with getting a bank account his wages go into her bank. he has been going through money like you wouldnt believe for a long time now but the problem is he borrows and demands money from mum till he gets paid, the problem is he borrows so much by the time he gets paid he has it all to pay back and the cycle starts again. this has gone on for a long time now, years and is verbally abusive when she wont give him any so she gives in. i dont agree with the way he treats her and have told her on numerous occasions to put him out but she wont, which i can understand to a degree but i honestly think hes slowly killing her through stress. so while i think people have tried to help both of them and they wouldnt take it, why should i bother..........but theyre family........but i have all my own problems trying to get worked through........very confused...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to look after yourself first okay Your brother is also being killed slowly by your mother enabling this situation to go on. If he get violent asking and demanding money from her call authorities okay let them take him in where he will be ordered to get substance abuse treatment. You cannot do anything okay but look after you here Your mom is an adult she needs to step up and do the right thing and quit enabling this to go on.
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I actually think that brownie should intervene in this. I mean, I know your not feeling 100% and whatever but you mum is very vulnerable even though she is an adult.

    I've come across MANY similar situations. Sibling, living with parents, especially single mums. Its horrific but some mums are bullied by the sons, emotionally blackmailed because the addiction will drive your brother to practically sell your mums home from under her feet - rack up credit, forge documents and so on.

    No offence to any heroin addicts who paid their way not robbing the family but most do just that.

    Side with your mum. Inform any uncles or family friends and so on. If its just you then its harder but it will benefit your own mental wellbeing if you can at least keep an eye on your mum. I think you could regret not doing a little now if things get real bad later on.

    There are a lot of older siblings in my town who live at home. Some treat the mums like messangers and especially single mums whose lives can be shortened through all the stress and trouble. Your brother needs sorting out - maybe legal advice for your mum - perhaps you have proof of fraud and bad as it sounds, maybe you need to introduce him to the real world when victims always call the police.

    Preying on his mum is wicked. But, please remember, heroin makes people wicked but that does not mean they are wicked people at heart.

    So, if you can muster up some energy tommorow visit your mum and try to gauge what damage your herion loving brother has done. If he works you can visit without him crying a river with the usual heroin addict excuses and accusations. He will blame your mum, blame you, blame anyone apart from his own selfish self. He has to be made to face up to what he has done.

    I know one addict who burgled his dads coffin. That's normal for an addict really. Heroin really is some nasty shit.
     
  4. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i honestly dont know how my mum hasnt died from the stress he has put her through, and to be honest i hate him for what he has put her through he also has an alcohol and gambling addiction which is making things so much worse. hes 37 years old and all the man hes ever going to be. my dad died on xmas day 1997 so my mum is dealing with this on her own. i am here and im being as supportive as i can but im made out to be the bad one because when he causes trouble i tell her to put him out and phone the police but she says hes her son and cant, well yes i see her point but theres is only so much you can do and if he wont step up and do something we cant do it for him. ive been there myself with alcohol and i know to a degree how he feels.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Brownie you know he need intervention and help now so if your mom cannot call the police you do it okay She may hate you for it as your brother but if you don't he will eventually die of his addictions and take your mother as well. If you can get the strength you call okay and get him help.
     
  6. kobie76

    kobie76 Well-Known Member

    Hi Brownie, although you're very worried about your mother, her giving in to him is enabling his behaviour to continue. Sometimes tough love is the only answer as addicts sometimes act like spoilt children, and use emotionally blackmail or the threat of violence to get there own way. It must be really hard for you to see your mum being used in this way, especially if she won't take your advice on board. If neither of them accept help or advice then you have to think of yourself because you have your own problems and this is going to drag you down as well.

    There is help for your brother out there but he as to accept it. Ive been a heroin addict for over 14yrs but ive been in treatment for over 10yrs and am clean ATM. About 12yrs ago I asked my mum for money for drugs, when she refused I caused some damage to her house, she called the police. I was arrested and received a police caution and didn't speak to my mum for 5 yrs, but I don't blame her one bit (in fact it was the best thing she could have done), and now we get on well. With the exception of this I have never been in trouble with the police or committed any criminal offence and have always worked to support my habit, but this would not have been possible without treatment and my mums tough love.

    I wish you all best Brownie & hugs :console: & take care of yourself & feel free to PM me anytime.

    Stu
     
  7. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i wish my mum would do that but she wont, ive lost count how many times ive had to go and help her whether it be a threat or causing trouble or verbally abusing her etc etc i could go on forever. im not saying they deserve it because i was addicted to alcohol but they both have ignored this for so long and im always the bad one for saying throw him out, hes killing her with his behaviour. i have endured over 4 yrs of therapy because of my own problems and you know my mum knows nothing about it because i didnt want to burden her anymore as i knew what he was putting her through.
     
  8. kobie76

    kobie76 Well-Known Member

    You've shown a lot of courage, strength & love not to burden your mum with your problems, its really sad your brother could not do the same. There's only so much you can do, its really hard to help someone who don't want to help themselves.
     
  9. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    yes kobie i agree, i feel ive been robbed of my mums help because of him. i dont want people to think im selfish or being nasty to drug addicts..im not i have a lot of respect for those who seek and accept help but this is a different story altogether.
     
  10. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I feel the same about my mom to Brownie, your mom probably thinks the same way my does, since you hide your true feelings (which makes you look strong) and he puts his out there its easier to help him.

    Im sorry that you have found out about his addictions, sometimes its easier not knowing, I do hope you continue to work on yourself and put all this to the side for your own sake, dont take this stress on. Like you said he is an adult, he has to take responsibility for his own life.
     
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