Not sure how to handle the stress much longer...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by azombieee, Jun 4, 2010.

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  1. azombieee

    azombieee Member

    Let me tell you a little about my life first...

    I'm 19 and I grew up in a home with parents who had me at 19-20 years old. They fought everyday, screaming. Never hit each other from what I've known. So it wasn't terrible... but it has put some lasting memories in my head.

    Over the years my mom has ran down my dad -they are still married- and made him out to be the bad guy.
    I would start dating someone and she would pin point the negative things about them and say "I dont know how you deal with this" and keep on annddd on like she was trying to get me to leave them.
    Eventually I would, but it was never on my terms... it was because she'd nag me about how bad they were.

    So I met my -now- husband online in February 2009. He was in the military 2,200 miles away. I decided to fly out to see him in Mid-March. We fell in love very quickly... and he wasn't a high ranker were he could of afforded a place without me working for a while. So we decided to get married.

    Yes it wasnt the wisest and most mature choice to make, we've both admitted that. But it was really the only way we would be close and make it work. We barely knew each other, we just knew that we wanted to make this work. So we did.

    My mom had found that he had made a hidden myspace that I didn't know about to talk to an old friend of his, who happened to be a girl. This was like 10 months after we were married.
    Well he had been talking to a few of his female friends every so often for a little while without me knowing, because he knew I would be mad. Which I was... it almost caused a divorce that he hid it from me.

    So we went and got help, he realized his wrongs, and I realized I wasn't the easiest person to deal with sometimes. We had a very rocky relationship things were going fine then realization hit. We didnt know how to talk, we weren't even friends with each other half of the time.
    So he's apologized 100 times, and I took my time to trust him again, and we have been working things out. Things have been a lot better.

    Well he got out of the military because of a medical problem and we decided to move back to my home town. My mom was just so excited and so happy...

    We move in for a bit because my husband was trying to find work, so we could a place and it hasnt been going so fast. Well 2 months later he found a great job in an awesome coming for a temp-to-hire. He's definitely going to get hired in. So he's making average pay right now and we can afford a place.

    My mom has just been hell to deal with. She's pulling her 'point out every negative thing about someone' thing again. She has a problem with everrrrry little thing my husband does. She got pissed because she mentioned a vacation for just the weekend when my dad was off, that she wanted us to go. Well my husband normally works M-Thurs and Friday-Sun is volunteer. But to get hired in they kind of want you to show your effort, so he said he doesn't want to turn down if his supervisor asks him to work fridays. So my husband told my mom "well I dont know if I can, if they want me to work, I have to be there, I want to get in" she gets all pissed and stomps her way upstairs. Comes back down and chews my husband out calling him a "bullshitter" everything, saying he "fucked my daughter over"... she keeps bringing that up!

    My dad's had to come home from work and straighten the problems out it's gotten so bad. We don't know what else will make her happy. It's just every day and the stress gets put on me. We're trying so hard to move out quickly and get our place but we dont want to move too quick and pick the wrong place and be even more unhappy.

    She nags me, she gets an attitude where it's like 'feel bad for me', then when you do she gets even worse of an attitude. I don't know what else to do. My dads been talking to me about him wanting to leave her, but he doesnt want my little brother stuck with her, because shes suppose to be homeschooling him and all he does is stay up until 6 am and play games all day and night, and hes 10!!!

    I don't know what else to do, she sits there and says she doesn't trust my husband, and it's hard because I trust my mom, and I want to take her word... but she also assumes things about people more than normal. She honestly needs help.

    I'm just getting tired out, I'm 19 and the problems she has with my husband are either OUR personal business or just a guy things, like forgetting to do something or picking up something small. I'm just tired of being treated the way she treats me like this.

    I'm afraid to even be around her because I dont want to hear her negativity all the time. I have anxiety and I was doing much better when I didnt live around this area, because I wasnt around her! Now it's so bad that I'm scared to even hear what she has to say. My trich has gotten worse.

    I'm just so stressed.

    ADDED: My whole point being, my mom is very negative with everything, not just him. I've been dealing with hearing it everyday, all day, my whole life. I have thought about ending my life a lot lately... and I don't want to... but I feel like this is the only way I can get away from these problems. I wouldn't have to worry about being betrayed by a guy again, I wouldn't have to worry about my mom on my ass all the time, I wouldnt have to worry about anything anymore.
    I'm not a very religious person, but I pray sometimes... and I've been praying everyday lately and nothing is getting better at all. I don't feel better. Only time I feel better is when I'm talking to my dad, or when my husband and I leave the house for a while. Then that doesn't last, he has to go to bed early.
    I'm just so scared. I don't know what to do. I can't keep feeling like this. I want to go get help so I can talk to a professional, but I cant afford that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2010
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Are you and your husband looking to buy a house or rent? Maybe if you can find a place to rent, even temporarily, you'd be able to move out of your mom's house sooner. Because it sounds like you need to get away from her as soon as possible ... you don't deserve all the negativity.
  3. azombieee

    azombieee Member

    We looked at a place today that we like, it's not a brand new spiffy apartment, but we will be able to afford it, and it's kept up pretty decently. Got along great with the management too.

    She took our application today for it, and was excited to have us there. She said she'd call first thing.

    The only problem is, is my mom is talking about having my brother come over to hang out all the time... he's 10... and I'm very close to him... but my husband works from 5am-3:30pm M-F and he's going to have to take a couple online classes and 1 class at the college in order for us to get our rent taken care of through the military. I just feel like I'll have a lot of free time and have to do what she wants me to do still. Everytime I dont want to do anything, she blames it on my husband saying that he's trying to keep me from my family... when he's not, I just want to spend the time I have with my husband when he gets home!

    I'm planning on looking for a job once we get settled into a place. Maybe a coffee shop in the morning after my husband goes to work. If we get into that place, we're real close to everything, and I could take him to work, get around, then head off to work myself until school starts in the fall.

    I'm just scared of being alone so much. My husband wanted me to go out and make friends... get a job or just vollunteer while we lived in Washington because I didn't ever do anything. I always let my anxiety and fear of life get in the way of things.

    I'm just scared of never seeing my husband and when I do, my mom and brother intrudes.
    My dad is so understanding, and very supportive of me. He's always given me my space... and has stood up for my husband and I everytime something has happened when he's left for work.

    If we get the call we got in on Monday... She said the cleaning would only take up to 2 weeks at the most. My dad goes on Vacation tomorrow, so he's off alllll next week. And then that next week after this coming up one, he'll be working the same hours my husband does, so he'll be around at night.

    So until then I think it will be better than it has been. Plus she's been a little more understanding lately. I just think she holds a grudge on my husband for what he did to me... but she has to let it go. We're here to start our life and family. With them too! My husband loves my family very much!
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