Not sure I can function anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Valmont, May 2, 2015.

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  1. Valmont

    Valmont Member

    So a bit of a back story, I struggled with depression all my life. By 2012 I was in a really bad place, I failed out of school, I weighed 420 pounds, I was a mess. Slowly I was able to build myself up currently I am doing better, I got back into school and was doing perhaps a bit below average but acceptable (3.3 GPA in a M.A. program), I lost a lot of weight (I stalled a bit but with surgical help I am down to about 310), I found a very good therapist who I saw twice a week, (I am now down to once a week, partly for financial reasons but also because, I didn't need twice a week anymore), I even found a way to do an internship. I mean it wasn't perfect for someone who is almost 30 and with nothing to show for his life and no friends, but it was mine.

    Over the last 6 months though two major things happened to me that I can't seem to shake. My father had a major heart attack and went into a coma (the day it happened was my birthday no less) and after about a good month of worrying if he would live or die he ended up pulling out of it and although he won't be even close to a 100% for at least a year, he is alive and recovering. My father's and I relationship has always been distant and complicated. After working with my therapist for about a year I got to the root of some of the tension of our love/hate relationship. But seeing him, convulsion on the ground really did something to me psychologically. That safety net that he always was was gone, not an emotional safety net, rather the safety net of a constant.

    More then that about a month ago I found out that my younger sister had thyroid cancer and she is having surgery this coming week. In all fairness it isn't a very serious form of cancer (papillary carcinoma), she just had her lymph nodes checked and it wasn't in there either. She is having trouble with her throat but she also has lyme's disease and she always has trouble with her throat so its probably nothing to worry about.

    Because of my sisters issues and possibly my fathers, I am having a lot of trouble functioning. I am back to overeating to deal with my emotions, I am having trouble sleeping and seem unable to focus on my school work. Realistically I have not been functioning well at all. Truth is I have very little to live for myself and I am seriously scared that something will happen to my sister.
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry for the stress and trauma you have gone through/are going through. It is always difficult when people you love are sick. It is good that you have a therapist that you like; maybe temporarily you can step up your sessions again to be more regular?

    The chat here is always friendly. If you log in during a "lull" it might seem like nobody is talking but there are usually people there to chat with and several of us are there on a daily basis. It helps a lot to distract from other coping techniques that can be harmful (in your case possibly over eating). I hope to see you around. Keep talking to us and stay safe :hug:
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hi there Valmont.

    Sorry about your family members. It is hard to watch them suffer. When I see one of mine, I totally feel helpless. For the eating part. I totally get that. Im eating emotionally alot of times. Its just an escape thing for me I guess. What about whenever you eat for whatever reason document on a food log and what you were freling at the time?
     
  4. Valmont

    Valmont Member

    Thank you both for your concern. My sister's surgery went well and she should make a full recovery. Beyond being family she is really the only person in the world who I get along with so her loss would mean a lot to me on multiple levels. I feel a lot better now, I think part of the problem was that I was using this as a distraction to avoid getting stuff done in my own life.

    However my reaction to things like this isn't healthy, when ever something bad happens I shut down/
     
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