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Not sure if I can deal with this any longer.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moat, May 2, 2015.

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  1. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Recently, my mum passed away (through a long complication with illnesses) and as expected, the funeral and the following months afterward have been very difficult for me, but it seems that as each day goes on, the more I cannot seem to stop thinking that I have had enough of this life and just want to end it. It is becoming so bad that practically all of my thoughts of each second of the day are pervaded by suicidal thoughts and I know for a fact that if it keeps up, then within a week, I know I will that I try something.
    I normally only post in my diary about my thoughts, but given how bad things are for me right now, I was kind of hoping someone from here would at least speak to me, but I guess that is too much to ask for.
    Looks like I will go back to planning.
    Thanks for the opportunity to rant.

  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Moat,

    I am really sorry for your loss. Cannot imagine what you are going through :(
    Have you sought any type of help for your mental state, of course we here can speak to you, i'm glad you got your thoughts down here and hopefully things will get a small bit easier. :hug:
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Yes, I have tried various forms of counselling, and none really have any effect. Sure, they work for a short amount of time, but a few weeks or months afterwards, I just come back to same old feelings, so it is akin to just being a part of my life, which is bad when you have to accept them as such...
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I see. What about long term therapy, as an on going kind of basis? I think you might benefit from that. Do you have friends you can talk to?
  5. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Long term results came pretty much the same as short term, and each said the same thing which was not in the least bit useful, so I do not see the point in it anymore. And as for friends, nope, not a one, in the Real World nor online.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Having no friends can be easy or rough. I wouldn't care if I had no friends, I enjoy my own company, I do have friends though which I have been ignoring for about a week, I don't wanna hear their gossip. I think you should try and make some friends, it might give you some sense of purpose, you seem like a nice person :) I just hope you don't do anything to harm yourself, it is not worth it, I have been there and made a complete 360 turn!
  7. Yoyogirl86

    Yoyogirl86 Well-Known Member

    Sorry for your loss, have you spoken to someone about how you feeling and see what they say? I'm sure there must be grieving counsellors who will be able to help you
  8. SDG

    SDG Member


    Thanks for posting here.

    I am so sorry for the toll this terrible loss is taking on you. I cannot imagine what you must feel like. Please stay with us. You are so strong for having gone through this, and you can either give up or get stronger. It's so hard to keep going on with life when you're so incredibly down like this. I know. I know how it feels to lie in bed at night and wake up every morning with the enormous weight of this following you everywhere.

    I am here for you, if you need someone to talk to. Hold on with all you've got. Don't give it up when you still have more to give.
  9. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Noworries and thanks everyone for your concern, but my mind is made up. It is just a matter of time. Despite trying to work things out, nothing has changed so the plan is still on. :-(
  10. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    Talk to us, how are you doing today?
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