not sure if I can do it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GabrielConroy, Sep 2, 2008.

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  1. GabrielConroy

    GabrielConroy Well-Known Member

    I definitely want to kill myself but whenever I think of it as an immediate possibility I freak out and get scared. It might require some overwhelming event to get me to go through with killing myself. I wish I did have the ability to just go. Is this true for anyone else?
  2. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    jimmy if your feeling that bad, you need to think about admiting your self to hospital. Life sucks i think every one knows that.

    Im going to my docs tomorrow to demand more help, i think you need to do the same.

    You clearly dont want to die as you wouldnt be here, like me you have come for help and im sure there are a number of people willing to help you:laugh:
  3. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Take a step back and think; do you actually want to die, or do you want a way out, an escape from life?

    I think medical help would be benefial if you are not recieving it already, just stay safe :hug: I'm here anytime if you need to talk. Stay safe.
  4. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    I feel the same.

    The hesitation just expresses that maybe you don't want to die. Maybe you still have hope that things could get better. And sometimes even the rock bottom moments in your life aren't enough to make you go through with it. I've been there, I couldn't imagine going any lower, and I still didn't attempt. It will never be the right time and it will never be any less scary.
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I get very scared of dying, even though I want to die.
    I thought about this a lot, and what I desire is not a cessation of conciousness, but and end to the pain, and I think that's what most of us want. Most of us here I think identify with our pain. I have lived with my pain so long, since birth probably, that I fear losing my pain because it feels like I am dying, and I am scared to die, yet at the same time I want to die, because I hate the pain.

    So realize that you it's not so much that you want to die, but that you want the pain to die, and that is possible.
  6. GabrielConroy

    GabrielConroy Well-Known Member

    death is just an escape for me I dont really want to die but if life doesnt get better then why not? Im still making plans and stuff for the future. Im trying to get good grades, trying to stay in shape, making friends, and I might be joining a frat friday so Im definitely not sure about the killing myself thing. Sometimes I just want to nullify everything and kill myself, no more problems of any kind ever again. I feel like a loser all the time, I feel lonely all the time and I cant help asking if its worth it. Im pretty sure im going to be a lonely loser my whole life and I cant deal with that.
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    What makes you think you'll be a lonely loser your whole life?
  8. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i have the same problem. i know i cant change and i need to die. why am i still here. im so ashamed for being alive still. i regret not killing myself when i was younger it would have been a much more glamorous suicide then. once ur not a teen any more people dont care anything about ur suicide. i had reason to kill myself when i was 16 why didnt i do it then. why did i allow myself to be dragged thru this, knowing it was the wrong thing to stay living.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Jimmy,
    You sound confused. You say you want to die but you are pledging for a fraternity. You will have all kinds of brothers if you get accepted. I know the pain, I have dealt with it for around thirty years. I finally broke about fifteen years ago. I haven't been the same since then.
    I walk a fine line between life and death. I think my isolation helps tremendously. I feel safe then because know one can get to me. I suffer both physical and emotional pain. I don't recommend isolation to know one, once you start down that path you give up and don't care what happens to you. Jimmy there are several paths to explore, so don't give up so easy. Take Care!!!:chopper:!!!
  10. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    you can talk to us on here. you don't have to go like that.
  11. GabrielConroy

    GabrielConroy Well-Known Member

    Ive never had a girlfirend, a girl has never expressed intrest in me (though a guy has oddly enough), im not that good looking.

    Im socially awkward, im balding already though it. isnt noticeable (cant wait till it is), I have no confidence or self esteem
  12. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Jimmy76 have you tried medication. If you are clinically depressed it warps your thinking into two general beliefs, life just too overwhelming and not worth the struggle and death is the only option left to end the pain. Are you in therapy? Therapy alone may be all you need to stop the thinking that triggers unhappiness and an emotional decline toward the chemical imbalance of clinical depression.

    DrowningInTears you don't have to be a teenager for the people who love you to find your suicide terribly hurtful and a tragedy they will never recover from.
  13. GabrielConroy

    GabrielConroy Well-Known Member

    Im not in therapy or on meds or anything but I dont have the time, money, or transportation to do so. Maybe it would help I dunno I just feel like Im whining about nothing when I think about talking about it. Im not sure I even have any mental issues or depression I actually feel really good sometimes.
  14. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Hell, you're probably bipolar.
  15. GabrielConroy

    GabrielConroy Well-Known Member

    My mood swings are not that dramatic so I dont thinks so :huh:
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