not sure if I want to go or not

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meme333, Aug 7, 2011.

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  1. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I"m not sure if I want to go or not I just want to stop hurting so much.
    I really messed up this month.
    I was supposed to go away on a trip and I got sick and had to come home.
    I went to the hospital but before going I xxx because I was mentally drained. I felt like a failure. I'm out tons of money and it was supposed to be my new start to something new. I had made goals but forget them all now. I give up. So I took the nytol.
    They hadn't taken effect until I was in the waiting room and then all at once, I couldn't walk or talk. They took me inside and kept asking me stuff. I managed to explain how I had been sick and xxx to sleep. I lied about how many though. I was hooked up to IVs because they said I was dehydrated. They did an EKG and afterwards I received potassium tablets since my potassium was low.
    Problem is I haven't told my family doc yet. I saw her the day after and explained I had been sick and received iv etc when I got back. I didn't mention the overdose. I don't want her to think I was being dishonest or trying to trick the system I wasn't. I was sick and that's why I came home. I took the pills out of frustration.
    Now I'm sure I have messed things up and my travel insurance won't go through.
    Why did I take the pills?
    Now I only want to do it for good.
    Nurse was really mean to me too> I wasn't being difficult other than having to pee all the time for all the ivs and I couldn't get up.
    I don't know.
    I just feel really suicidal now. I have no hope for anything good.
    I don't want my doc to be mad at me or think I was playing games. I'm not. I just messed up.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 7, 2011
  2. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I feel like a loser and maybe some might say who cares what you doc thinks but I need her to understand.
    I am still upset the nurse was mean. It just hurts.
    I don't hurt people. I'm very sensitive to others but nobody cares about me.

    I'm looking crazy and I'm not crazy...just sad...mixed up...sad and more sad.
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Forget the nurse who was nasty to you - maybe her mum died last month or something. I find it helps to think that when people ARE nasty.

    Your own doctor soumds nice - so tell her!

    You took the pills because you are depressed mate.

    You are NOT worthless and life CAN and DOES get better.

    We just get tired sometimes, lonely also no? And its not easy this life! But - you could live a day and feel like that day was worth it all.

    You will have your day in the sun - years of them in fact.

    Talk to people - do NOT hold it in.

    IF you have plans - tell us - but do not outline the plan in case others are upset and copy you!!

    Overdosing is NOT playing games - any doc who thinks it is - that man is a bad man. Complain if ANY even hint your depression is less than it is.

    I just had a government test for depression - and got zero points - so I know it feels like when people or authorities think your playing a game.

    I'm cured!

    Well - so they say!

    **** *******!!!!

    Regards.

    Do tell your family also if its possible.

    Good luck meme333
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Please let that event concerning the nurse go...I have been mistreated so many times when I have been in hospitals, and received wonderful care from others...but I cannot give any energy to the mean ones...They will have to pay for their actions...just focus on yourself, and speak to your doctor..She sounds like she cares and that you have a good relationship with her...PM me if I can help...J
     
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hello meme333,

    Nice to see you again. :D

    Regarding your post, I've had nurses talk to me in a condescending manner even though I've been kind to them. Some nurses, however, have been exceedingly gracious. I guess there's always a mix of people in each profession that treat you well and with respect and those that treat you terribly.

    Take care,

    Mr. A

    P.S. Hope you're not still feeling the ill effects from the OD. :hug:
     
  6. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    okay, I will try to let the nurse thing go. I'm know I"m oversensitive and it's annoying but that's me.
    I don't like to have people upset with me. It only furthers my mood.
    I'm a pleaser.

    I do have a good doc and I'll tell her. Just don't want to look bad. I want
    her to understand. I was just there on Thursday and going back on Tuesday so I will tell her then.
     
  7. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I agree, she is not worth waisting your time over. I have had to deal with some nasty doctors, and radiologists making comments that I was just making up being sick, and a therapist in the ER after a huge overdose of zoloft telling me how she was going to have her way with my husband if I didn't straighten up. That stuff used to hurt me but I don't care anymore, I'd let them know right now they can kiss my behind. Not everyone in this world is considerate and nice, you can count on that.

    Your doctor, if they are one worth having, will be totally understanding to your problem, and they will not judge you for any of it. If they do, maybe you need to find a better doctor. They will probably be glad you opened up and told them what was going on. They don't want you keeping this stuff bottled up inside. They can't help you unless you ask.

    Low pottasium can make you so sick, very fatigued, and leave you with muscle cramps from hell. Hopefully that'll get better, hope you start feeling better..
     
  8. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    Well seeing as how you are a cutie pie, I think that alone is worth living for.
     
  9. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    LMFAO, it's just a user ID name.. Kind of a sarcastic one I guess, because I really don't feel that way. I've always had a low self esteem, bashful growing up, it didn't help matters much. I don't think many people have a high ego of themselves, and I don't think whether I think I am ugly or not really matters, it's what everyone else thinks,,, my daughter kind of looks like hannah montana but she always says how ugly she is and how fat she thinks she is, when she's not. She's a little beauty queen. So I know how I feel about myself is just a bit silly.
     
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