I"m not sure if I want to go or not I just want to stop hurting so much. I really messed up this month. I was supposed to go away on a trip and I got sick and had to come home. I went to the hospital but before going I xxx because I was mentally drained. I felt like a failure. I'm out tons of money and it was supposed to be my new start to something new. I had made goals but forget them all now. I give up. So I took the nytol. They hadn't taken effect until I was in the waiting room and then all at once, I couldn't walk or talk. They took me inside and kept asking me stuff. I managed to explain how I had been sick and xxx to sleep. I lied about how many though. I was hooked up to IVs because they said I was dehydrated. They did an EKG and afterwards I received potassium tablets since my potassium was low. Problem is I haven't told my family doc yet. I saw her the day after and explained I had been sick and received iv etc when I got back. I didn't mention the overdose. I don't want her to think I was being dishonest or trying to trick the system I wasn't. I was sick and that's why I came home. I took the pills out of frustration. Now I'm sure I have messed things up and my travel insurance won't go through. Why did I take the pills? Now I only want to do it for good. Nurse was really mean to me too> I wasn't being difficult other than having to pee all the time for all the ivs and I couldn't get up. I don't know. I just feel really suicidal now. I have no hope for anything good. I don't want my doc to be mad at me or think I was playing games. I'm not. I just messed up.