I'm really having a bad time of it right now. I guess I'm going to just try and rant to see if that helps. Everything started about a year and a half ago when the guy I was with who is now my ex, decided that he was going to use me for sex and then dump me. After that things started to go really far downhill as I got depressed, and then suicidal. I was then kicked out of the place where I was living because I was depressed and suicidal. I went home that summer and dealt with all sorts of family issues which just contributed to the depression even more. I came back to the university where I was going and things just got worse. I managed to make it through my second year of university although the whole time I was dealing with thoughts of suicide. Then this past summer in July things just started to get really bad, I went to the ER three times, two of them I was admitted on. Then about a week ago I just couldn't take it any more and I took a bunch of pills. I got scared after about an hour and called 911 and went to the ER and had to have charcoal. The morning after because I said I felt better they discharged me. Each time I went to the hospital my psychiatrist wouldn't have me admitted for more than a day because he thought I was there looking for attention. Now my counsellor who had been a strong support for me for many years seems to be giving up on me. The past few times I've been to see him he's very short with me, doesn't seem to want to help and I'm pretty sure he's just giving up on me. I'm sitting here and knowing that if I tried to kill myself again I would succeed because there is no one who would be here to get me to the hospital. I'm so alone and just want this all to end. I keep hearing people here talk about how they've been dealing with these thoughts for years and I don't think that I can do that. I've only been dealing with the suicidal thoughts for a year and a half and each day that goes by I just want to end it all because there's no way I could live this way for another three years. I barely think I can make it through another day, let alone another week, another month, or another year. I don't know what I'm looking for, I guess I'm just kind of hoping that maybe one day I really could get better, but if this is what my life is destined to be then I really don't want to live like this.