Not sure if I'm going to be able to hang in there

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by francaisfille_13, Sep 12, 2009.

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  1. I'm really having a bad time of it right now. I guess I'm going to just try and rant to see if that helps.

    Everything started about a year and a half ago when the guy I was with who is now my ex, decided that he was going to use me for sex and then dump me. After that things started to go really far downhill as I got depressed, and then suicidal. I was then kicked out of the place where I was living because I was depressed and suicidal.

    I went home that summer and dealt with all sorts of family issues which just contributed to the depression even more. I came back to the university where I was going and things just got worse. I managed to make it through my second year of university although the whole time I was dealing with thoughts of suicide. Then this past summer in July things just started to get really bad, I went to the ER three times, two of them I was admitted on. Then about a week ago I just couldn't take it any more and I took a bunch of pills. I got scared after about an hour and called 911 and went to the ER and had to have charcoal. The morning after because I said I felt better they discharged me. Each time I went to the hospital my psychiatrist wouldn't have me admitted for more than a day because he thought I was there looking for attention.

    Now my counsellor who had been a strong support for me for many years seems to be giving up on me. The past few times I've been to see him he's very short with me, doesn't seem to want to help and I'm pretty sure he's just giving up on me.

    I'm sitting here and knowing that if I tried to kill myself again I would succeed because there is no one who would be here to get me to the hospital. I'm so alone and just want this all to end. I keep hearing people here talk about how they've been dealing with these thoughts for years and I don't think that I can do that. I've only been dealing with the suicidal thoughts for a year and a half and each day that goes by I just want to end it all because there's no way I could live this way for another three years. I barely think I can make it through another day, let alone another week, another month, or another year.

    I don't know what I'm looking for, I guess I'm just kind of hoping that maybe one day I really could get better, but if this is what my life is destined to be then I really don't want to live like this.
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Hi Francais,
    It sounds like you might have to go back to where the problems started mounting and deal with them one at a time.
    I'm sorry to hear about all the turmoil you've been through and it does hurt when people start to give up on you or get angry at you. Your counsellor probably just really wants to help but doesn't know what more he can do for you and that's probably where he is getting short. But I'm sure he - along with many others - would care immensely if you did do anything to yourself.

    I think the fact you've said you want to get better shows that you really don't want to end it all and that's great, that's a positive step. You haven't given up completely and please don't.

    Have you dealt with the place where all of this started (your ex) trying to come to terms with that might help you to come to terms with and deal with all of the other things that've been going on.
    Getting kicked out of where you were living.
    Family issues.

    Anything that has contributed to the depression. You need to face head on so you can try and get back to where you were before all of this happened.
    I'm sure you're looking for what a lot of us here are looking for. Someone to care, someone to understand, support and love. It's difficult when those around you aren't giving you that, but please remember there are good people out there who only want you to get better. I'm one! :)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey this is a good place to hang in there because we support each other as we truly understand I would hope you have a therapist that can help you sort out all the depression and meds to help as well. There is treatment for depression it just takes time to find right meds that fits your chemical makeup. don't give up
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your psychiatrist should realize that you are not looking for attention with suicidal attempts you are looking for help. God i do hate people who say this.
    Anyway of getting a new psychiatrist one who understands and sees a cry for help. There is help like i said please try to change your meds up a bit if your psychiatrist has given up then ask him/her to transfer you to another doctor who cares who has insight into your pain. Ask you GP about medication change don't give up on yourself just because these asses show lack of ability and insight please fight for you and get help you deserve. I do understand your pain and want only that you fight to get the professional help you need. take care
  5. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    since i cannot help myself anymore maybe i can pass on some contradicting positiveness. i still get depressed all the time and what i used to do was realize that things change and don't always stay bad (except if you are me). things will come to pass. as for the bad relationship, i am currently getting out of one. i felt at times that he was using me and now he is just trying to keep me for his selfish reasons.

    i feel like kicking his fucking retarded ass into next week,.
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