Not sure if it's abuse, or am i just paranoid?

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by lotte, Jun 28, 2012.

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  1. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    Most times, i feel my parents and brother are very sadistic and evil and i hide in my room and pray that they don't find me because they are going to suck my soul out from me. They don't care about my feelings, they enjoy making me sad, my brother giggles when i scream in pain. He laughs so hard whenever he can manipulate my mother into telling me that i'm a bad person. He always agrees with her, and then my mom pats his head. He thinks it's funny when i cry. He has autism, so my parents are always siding with him, like he's just this innocent, poor little thing that was hurt by me. My mom thinks he is so much better than me and swears at me and calls me names for not being kind enough to him. Dad handles me rough when i forget to put the toothpaste cap on or something very meaningless like that. My dad yells and throws things and repeats how selfish i am, and takes me to this therapist that agrees with everything my parents say and she doesn't believe me. Whenever i try to explain my feelings to her she just ignores me and basically tells me that they are not important. She gives me a list of things to do and says to do them and whatever i'm feeling doesn't matter. My parents beat my dog. My dog is so important to me. she was and is my one and only friend that i ever had ever. i love her so much and i can't stand when they hurt her. They rarely ever hurt me physically. They won't let me lock my door so i can't hide from them. But i have no idea how to grow up, so i can't leave them. I'm just very afraid and i don't want to live with them the rest of my life, they make me so exhausted. i can't take living in this fear anymore. they probably aren't hurting me at all, maybe i'm just paranoid, i'm just so afraid of them. Even if what i'm describing isn't abuse, i just don't feel strong enough to handle it. i ranted, and i'm not really sure if what i just said makes sense, cause i'm so tired. But i had to get it out somewhere. Thanks if you actually read this.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is abuse and i hope you can talk to your doctor a councillor at school and get some supports in place to help you feel safe hugs
     
  3. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    Lotte, it is abuse you are enduring. I had an abusive childhood so I really, really know what you are feeling. Hug and love your dog as much as you can. Your dog loves you unconditionally and will always love you. Your dog does not deserve the abuse either and is just as traumatized as you are:( If you are into writing, or art, or music, that will help you with all you are trying to deal with. Don't leave your thoughts or feelings around for others to see though. Once you are old enough to leave home, you will be able to control your own life. If you don't like the therapist, see if your parents will take you to another one. Your therapist should be 100% behind YOU. Sending you hugs and love in your pain. I hope this helps a little bit.
     
  4. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Except for the dog (why did they beat your dog? I have a hard time believing that they would just do it for no reason-- did he bite someone?), this doesn't sound so different from what I or anyone else I've ever met had to put up with when they were growing up. I can remember visiting my friend's houses growing up and every single one of them fought with their brothers or sisters… and every single one of them manipulated their parents' emotions in order to get their way. I did it too… and so did my sister. This is because kids are mean… and they usually stay mean for quite some time… sometimes they never stop. Sometimes they think they do, but they actually don't.

    The throwing things around and name-calling aren't things that you should stand for, though…
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 29, 2012
  5. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all of your replies. It was very sweet of you to take the time to read this. *hug I'm still a bit confused because of the wide range of answers. The only thing that i know is that i am very afraid of them. It might be a bit of paranoia and also a bit of insensitivity on their part. Hopefully i will be seeing my neurologist soon, so i can talk to her about it and maybe get some things cleared up.
    Thanks for your input. :)
     
  6. Lucie

    Lucie Well-Known Member

    Your familys behaviour is causing you emotional pain. So yes it is emotional abuse.
     
  7. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    That is abuse hun. while i do not know exactly what you are going through I can understand the emotional response of feeling like you are blamed for hurting another person, when in reality it couldnt be farther from the truth. "...poor little thing that was hurt by me". The lonely feeling it produces is horrid but that feeling does NOT carry over when you talk to someone on the outside, a friend another family member maybe a cousin. I urge you to try to socialize with other people, at your school, work. anywhere you can. (even here), when you do that you have reasons to leave the house, more opportunities to leave the house and hang out with people who do not make you feel like this.
     
  8. Yutolia

    Yutolia New Member

    I went through something similar. All I can say is that you are definitely being abused, and don't be daunted if someone doesn't believe you - just realize that they may not have had the experiences you have. Just keep telling people you think can help until you find someone who can.
     
  9. Bibliophile

    Bibliophile New Member

    I went through abuse with my parents and brother, and though they actually hit me, so many of the things you wrote about were how I felt when I was living at home. I was terrified, day in and day out. Especially hearing about how your mother and brother treat you.... dear, that is not normal in a loving, healthy family. You are strong, and I hope you can find someone to talk to about this. I hope you can find some way for this to get better... I know it can be hard to extract yourself from a situation like that, but it's definitely possible.

    I wish you all the good feelings in the world.
     
  10. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    lotte.... here is the best answer i can give you: whether or not you view your circumstances or them due to paranoia, your family should be just as understanding of your sensitivities and needs as they are of your brother's. your brother has autism... and no, i'm not saying that is something that should be looked over or that its insignificant in anyway here... so they then know that he needs more understanding and patience than the "normal" person may need. if you have paranoia, you too need the same ... more patience and understanding. if its not paranoia though, then it really just needs to stop. either way, they need to stop and listen to you and try to make sure that you are not feeling so hurt.

    if it were just hurt feelings you were experiencing, i would agree with gloomy in saying it is normal. but since you say you fear them.... that denotes something other than normal. be abuse, paranoia, or a mix of them both... nobody will know unless its really looked into by an objective mind, heart, and eye. i have a strong urge to agree with Lucie tho... if you are experiencing emotional pain it is emotional abuse... but that diminishes emotional abuse really, because everyone experiences emotional pain at one point or another ... emotional abuse goes a lil deeper than the normal though. Emotional abuse causes fear, causes homocidal feelings and/or suicidal feelings, causes resentment, causes self harm, causes self image problems, etc..... if you feel those things, liklihood is that its abuse. Talk to someone else if you dont like your therapist... talk to a teacher, a guidance counselor, the prinicipal, a friend's parents, a hotline... but make it known, especially if you feel its abuse.
     
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