Not sure if this is really a crisis.

[Kathy]

I want to die. I Know I do. I know if I let myself I would do it.

But I won't.

I attempted almost 3 months ago, and since then i've got better, with the help of my boyfriend.

The thing is, my boyfriend is pretty unstable himself. I found out today he's being admitted to a psychiatric ward. He's attempted suicide 4 times in the past, and they think he's at a big risk of doing it again. I know he clearly needs help, but i don't think this is the best way. he's been in one before, for 2 weeks, and hated it. This is for much longer. For months. I don't know how i'm going to cope. He's the only reason I'm still alive.

I don't know how i'm going to cope knowing I can't be there to help him
I don't know how i'm going to cope not knowing how he his.
I don't know how i'm going to cope not being able to talk to him everyday.
I don't know how i'm going to cope not having the only person who understands me, and who i can talk to.

I'm determined to stay though, for him. Just it's going to be so hard. I guess this is a crisis. I know my self harm is going to get worse. i know it's all going to get worse...

Does anyone have any better ways to cope with this?

 

[In Limbo]

Always remember he has gone there for the best of reasons, to get better - Depression is an illness, one can recover...

 

[may71]

I don't know what the rules are in the uk, but I think that you should be able to visit him. I'm pretty sure it's allowed here in the us.

He may also have access to a phone?

 

[Chargette]

I'm thinking you should be allowed to talk with him on the phone, but if not, can you write to him?

 

[total eclipse]

perhaps at this time you can reach out and get some therapy some help fo r you as well. You can spend the time getting YOU stronger okay so when he comes home you will have more strength to help him hugs

 

[Kathy]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

He lives around 3 hours drive away. I may be able to visit him perhaps once, but that'll be it.

It's a possibility he will be allowed a phone, but not a given.

I was in councilling and got discharged only a few days ago.

 

[doityourself]

Can you write letters? Writing your thoughts and feelings down can be a great release. I agree you should use this time to focus on you getting the therapy or help that you need, so both of you can be in a better place when he gets back.

Being long distance from the ones you love gives you a reason to stay, the excitment that you feel when he gets released, the thoughts of how things will be when he comes home, let these thoughts take over.

Hope that tomorrow is a better day.

 

[brokenandlonely]

Kathy, I hope you are doing okay and it must be a difficult time for you not being able to talk to your boyfriend and I hope that you are able to get a chance to speak to him and you should keep in mind that this time away with him being in the hospital is for him to recover and eventhough the time apart from each other might be hurting I know that you care for him and do love him as I'm sure and you want him to feel better. I hope that he is able to use his phone and if you need someone to talk to you can PM me on here. :hug:

 

[Kathy]

Thank you for all your replies.

It's tomorrow. I feel somewhat numb but as I said, i'm trying hard to stay strong for him and I think we will get through this, both of us.

Sometimes it takes stuff like this to make you realise how strong you really are.