Not sure if we can ever both be happy.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AsphyxiateOnWords, Mar 2, 2015.

  1. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    We're two different people, my husband and I. Complete opposites of each other. And maybe that's what attracted us to one another in the first place. He's confident, aggressive, persuasive, etc. He's very simple and always sees the big picture first, and everything about me is anything but simple (as in even if something actually is simple, I'll make it complicated somehow) and I always look at the details instead of the bigger picture. He has what I lack/need, and vice versa. But I just don't know anymore how this can possibly go on like this. It's not that I see us ending anytime soon...I hope...but we're just so fucking different in like every single aspect you could possibly think of. I don't know how we managed to stay together for as long as we have and not have killed each other by now. We view things differently. We think differently. We want different things...not for our future per se, but pretty much everything else besides that. When one person is happy or content, the other is often unhappy with something or other. And we try and try so hard seemingly to try to understand how the other thinks and feels so that we can find some sort of middle ground and both be happy at the same time, but it's just not happening. I always feel like I do everything wrong and he's often unhappy about everything I think, feel, and do. And he feels like just because I have mental illnesses, I use them as an excuse and purposely refuse to fix them. In his mind, because I purposely do this, that's why we can't be happy. But I don't fucking do it purposely, obviously. Anybody on here I'm sure can understand that. But he doesn't. So we're constantly miscommunicating, feeling insulted, arguing about the same crap over and over and over again until someone snaps or cries (and that's usually me). ...Like I said, I just don't know if it's possible anymore. I don't want it to end, I really don't, but this fucking sucks. The pieces to the puzzle don't fit no matter how much we try to twist and turn them. And it makes me wonder if they ever will. If it's even worth trying. I don't really know what kind of answer I expect about all this...I just wanted to vent I guess because I feel so confused and upset and scared.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't know what to say, only you can decide if it's fixable.
    The only thing I would say is, nothing is worth making yourself miserable over and sometimes an ending can be a relief.
  3. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Well, now that I've calmed down from that situation, I realize that I was only feeling that way because of my BPD. When my emotions are through the roof like that I seem to disregard a lot of the good things and only look at the bad. Truth is, everything we've been through, we've gotten through it one way or another. He's been able to do the impossible during these past 2 years, change some of my thinking processes about certain things that I thought were unchangable...make me a little bit more comfortable being social here and there than I was before. But the most important thing of all is that no matter how different we are and how much we argue, he never ever gives up on me or our relationship. That's the biggest reason I love him as much as I do. Anybody else would have given up trying by now, but it seems no matter how difficult things get he never will. Plus, I guess I can't expect a normal, non-chaotic relationship while having Borderline Personality Disorder no matter who I'm with. I seem to forget that, too, sometimes. Truth is, I'm very lucky to have what I have.