Not sure of how I'm going to make it through the night

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cutiepie132, Oct 9, 2011.

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  1. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I PM'd someone my daughter had been talking to for awhile, she wouldn't stop crying over something he said to her, and I asked him to tell her why he said it, I guess he told someone he knew and that someone told her.

    So I was beat on, had things thrown at me, all my stuff went out the window in my room, she told me how pathetic I was, asked me to leave, and told me she wanted me to kill myself right in front of her.

    Maybe what I did was stupid, but I didn't want to see her hurting like that.

    Feeling really suicidal right now.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry, Mary. :hug: I know it sounds cliche to say, and if you want to talk about this in PM you're welcome to, but I don't think you deserve to be treated like that. The beating you took sounds just.. inconsiderate on the behalf of others.. I wish that had not happened. Again, I am here.. and if you want to talk about anything, just send me a PM....Alex
  3. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I've never felt so hated by someone in my life.. I want to crawl into a hole and never come back out. My son gave me a hug and tried to get me to stop crying, he took her down the road, but she's back now.. She's not saying nothing now but that's because she wants me out of her life permanently.
  4. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I survived the night.. ended up falling asleep.
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I sent you a PM Mary - thank God you never done anything! Well - thinking about it happens so no worry there. As long as you don't carry through on any plan!

    Last night - just walking back from someone's house - I stepped out the door cheerful - and - bing! The blues just came falling down! - not a reason!

    Sometimes you feel bad about yourself and naturally look to blame others - maybe your daughter had that.

    Well - for all the hurt she threw at you - she felt safe as she knew you'd love her regardless.

    If she kicked you off a cliff - you'd forgive her.

    She does not hate you - its some boy who was not nice - so - who gets the blame?

    Poor old mom!

    I'm sure things will work out.

  6. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I stepped over the line.. I realize that. I think I knew that when I did it, but her feelings were more important to me,, but if I thought it would upset her this bad though, I would have kept my nose out of it.. I guess I deserved it, though I was just trying to help.. And yes, she does hate me.. I don't think this is going to blow over.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Depending upon her age, will determine how long it will take. But you had her best intentions at heart. She should feel quite good about that. You can be my mommy!
  8. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    What I feel is what I've been told, like I'm an idiot, pathetic, and a very bad mother. She's almost 17. She made her intent clear that she doesn't want me to be her mother anymore. I really upset her. Can't look at this and think it was okay. It wasn't. My kids deserved a better mother than I! All I could do was lay around sick. Useless meaningless piece of crap just like she said.. If I had of done something that night to hurt myself, boy, that would have really made me a peice of garbage. I'm glad I didn't. I'm not feeling that way now, but I can't sit here with a good opinion of myself, they've said too many horrible things toward me to make me think otherwise.

    I might spend the day tomorrow trying to find her that kitten she wants. Doubt it will smooth things over but I guess it can't hurt to try.
  9. Kiki2389

    Kiki2389 New Member

    I am very sorry that you went throught that, I am a young adult and have been through similar situations with my mother and the next day I felt horrible. But don't ever think you have to end your life because of it, I know its hard but we do the dumbest things without thinking when we are really upset. Again I am so sorry this has happened to you, and if you want to talk about it some more I am here for you. :) :yay:
  10. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Thanks.. I was so upset, I think I could have done something if I had been alone, but my senses should have been saying no !!! That would have been a horrible HORRIBLE horrible thing for that child to have to live with. Horrible!

    Well I love her, she can stay mad, but I'm not leaving her. Would be nice to get a break though. I'm getting tired of being mouthed off every day. It gets old quick (the put downs).

    I appologized but it didn't help anything. She told me I was still a pathetic mother. And whatever, I'm not, I would bend over backwards for both of my kids.. Maybe someday they both will come to appreciate that.
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