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Not sure; Scared?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by so.overratedx, Dec 20, 2009.

  1. so.overratedx

    so.overratedx Active Member

    I feel as if I'm losing one of my closest friends.. From shortly after we met, which was nearly a year ago; somewhat short time, I know; we've been extremely close. She was basically, my best friend; but a little over a month ago; for about two months (previous to that month, doy'.) I fell into a big depression from all the shit I've been going through. Granted, most of it's normal for me at this point; but, it can still take it's toll on a person.. Anyways, I started drifting from people; not answering calls, barely texting back, sleeping most of the day & night, not going out, not getting online, I was even broken down to the point I'd started cutting again *not to kill myself.
    She was the only person I really continued to keep touch with, the only one I really tried talking to everytime I even felt somewhat decent. But, then when I really did start feeling better, replying more & everything; she starts drifing away, from me too.. I was supposedly her 'best friend'. She helped me through alot, made me feel better when all I wanted to do was cry & curl up into a ball.
    She admited nothign was wrong with her, she just.. was pushing people away. *something I myself have done before too.
    But, more recently; She's started basically blowing me off, well.. more like, not talking to me except once a week? or just a few very short times. Usually just on IM, not phone or anything else. & She's started calling some other chick her 'Best friend'; even telling me that, things like; 'My best friend & I are talking in status messages on myspace.' & 'I'm on the phone with my best friend.' etcetc. rather than saying her name.. I'm not sure if I'm being pety, or jealous; or if she's trying to make me feel that way.
    She even had a space for me on her profile at one point, (myspace) saying how much she cared about me; how much I helped her through; how I've been the only one to stick by her side through the shit she pulls & etcc.
    I just.. I dunno', I guess it just is really upsetting at this point. Things are starting to finally get better, yet I'm losing one of the closest people to me.. I don't want to lose her, & maybe I'm being pety about the whole 'best friend' thing. But, then again, we've all been pety about something at one point or another; rightt?
    I want to tell her how I feel, but I don't want to come off as sounding clingy/crazy/pety/jeal--, well, I can deal with sounding a little jealous. Idkk.

    For those of you who have gone through this, feeling as if you're losing one of the closest people to you; as if you're being replaced *which is what it feels like at this point; how'd you feel about it, what'd you do about it?
    & losing her is out of the question.
    When I said she's helped me through alot, I mean it. She's the only one of two friends who found out/realized I was cutting myself, who said something; who gave a shit, who talked to me for hours&even typed long letters to make feel better. So if you're going to say something like, "she's not being a very good friend, just stop talking to her" or something, please don't post. -- I say that, because I know at least one person will have that opinion.

    >o<; I'm really tired while typing this, one hour of sleep.. So, if something doesn't make sense or whatever; Sorryyy.

    ----->:sleepy: xD
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Ughh, I'm going to sound so cliche and I say this way too much, but I understand how you feel. I get the whole pushing people away, the feeling of being replaced, and the losing friends stuff. Despite all that though, I really can't tell you what to do.. Your friend is going to live her life and choose who is her best friend and who to push away all on her own no matter what you do. All you can really do is try and keep up contact between you both and be there for her when she needs you. Perhaps also try reminding her of some old memories you both share to get her to realise what good friends you've been? I don't think you're being petty at all, though. Nobody wants to lose a friend, let alone a best friend. Though she does sound as though she's trying to rub it in your face a bit, what with the term 'best friend' being used in reference to that other girl all the time. Perhaps she's trying to make you purposefully feel jealous? She could be feeling rather insecure and put out by the way you weren't so friendly towards her before (when you were pushing others away).

    The best you can really do is try talking to her & continue to be there for her. She's your (best)friend, so you should be able to talk to her about anything, and the latter should really go without saying.

    I hope it goes well, whatever happens, anyway. :hug:
  3. so.overratedx

    so.overratedx Active Member

    Thank you.<3 I will try to talk to her some, memories & such. & I told her I was pushing people away, but I was trying not to with her.. & that I was sorry for when/if I did. So, I wouldn't know why she'd feel insecure if I plainly stated I was trying to keep the friendship strong. But, yeah.. I'm assuming she's trying to make me feeling jealous too. >o<;
    Anyways, thank you again.<33 :cheekkiss:
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It hurts. It hurts because you have both invested so much time and effort into one another and the friendship. I feel I'm going through the same thing. Someone who I think of as a truly special friend. Now my role in the friendship is so confusing and questionable. And it hurts because I never seem to get the answers I need. And it hurts that I even have to question those things. Maybe she is moving on but I guess I'm not ready to let her leave me completely behind. Here if you want to talk about it.