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Not sure there is any point anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by absolom, Dec 13, 2015.

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  1. absolom

    absolom Banned Member

    “I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.” ― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

    Everything is gone.
    My mom.
    My dad.
    My husband.
    My children.
    My brother.
    My business.
    My PhD.
    My boat.
    My jeep.
    My job.
    and pretty soon...
    my apartment
    which will result in losing my 2 cats.

    “Love yourself”, “Be kind to yourself”… why should I? I have completely ruined anything of any value in my life. Who does that? What kind of person destroys everything?

    “How unhappy does one have to be before living seems worse than dying?” ― Deborah Curtis, Touching from a Distance: Ian Curtis and Joy Division

    “If they tell you that she died of sleeping pills you must know that she died of a wasting grief, of a slow bleeding of the soul.” ― Clifford Odets
  2. Bridget1972

    Bridget1972 New Member

    I don't know what got you to this place, but I can see by your list that you are an intelligent, educated person who screwed up somehow and you want to die. I have a parallel situation. I don't know what to do, and every day I just want to die. The only thing which keeps me going is the possibility that things will get better, that we can get our lives back. I don't have any answers right now, and I don't even really believe what I'm saying. But it's keeping me going. For now. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could give you a hug.
  3. absolom

    absolom Banned Member

    Thank you. That's really nice of you. I hope things get better for you.
  4. James Wood

    James Wood Member

    "A slow bleeding of the soul"

    Iv never heard it described like that before. It's almost beautiful if it wasn't so sad.

    I don't know how you lost all those things. But the very fact that you were able to have them to begin with is a testament to your character. Im still young, and I cant ever see myself attaining most of the things you've managed to attain at some point. The fact that you had them at one point in your life, tells me that you can achieve those things again. You were a person that could afford a boat!! That person that had all those things is still in there somewhere. And if you manged to find yourself again, im sure you can start to rebuild. Again I don't know how you lost some of those things, but if you do manage to find yourself again, I can at least tell you that a person like you could get out there and get an even BIGGER boat :)
    Actually you could probs get yourself like one of those boats that you can park a smaller boat inside off, kinda like boat-ception.

    To be honest, I kinda aspire to have some of the things you've had in your life. A partner, children. You on the other hand HAVE achieved those things, we all do silly things sometimes, and make a mess of things. But why should you love yourself? before you started feeling like this, you were a successful person who was loved and had a family. That person is still inside you somewhere, waiting to get out and buy a bad arse boat and take their life back.

    Anyway, what im really trying to say is that ppl do care about you, and im sorry you feel like this. I hope something I typed made you feel even a little bit better.

    Hope you feel better soon :/
  5. absolom

    absolom Banned Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I keep reading your post. No one has ever said things the way you did. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner.
    I lost everything when I got sick after my mom passed away. That was 6 years ago. Now it's just me.
    My family have continued with their lives... without me. Whether I am alive or dead their lives will continue much the same as they do now.
    I really hope that you achieve everything you want. You seem like a very kind person.
    I will continue re-reading your post.
    I wish you a Happy New Year.
  6. James Wood

    James Wood Member

    All the things I said were already present in your original post. All I had to do was re arrange the order. Its amazing how aspects can change when you look at them from a different angle. Your life could be compared to that of a mountain climber. As they look behind them, they can see the many peaks they have summit ed in their career. From one perspective its sad that their past is fall of such amazing achievements.

    Why continue to climb when you've lost everything to the past?

    Why continue to live when you've lost everything to the past?

    Why climb another Mountain?

    Because its there. - George Mallory
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