not sure i would say i was suicidal yet, it certainly has been there in my head in my sleep and all today, im not sure if im still only using the thoughts to get on or if its something brewing cant afford to get ill, in so many ways. if i ask for help now however, it will undo everything i have tried to acheive and then nothing will be worth living for, feel like im stuck in a joseph heller book. if i say im getting ill they will stop helping my physical stuff. i want them all to talk between them im no doctor I emailed the gp t relay my concerns i hope it doesnt get filed under coffee cup? waiting for a few out of date pills to kick in, will stone myself out tonight so i see tomorrow at some time. god i can hear myself and dont like it. sorry im wallowing the smilies are good distractin.:bunny:theres me! thanks for the smile. only time i show my teeth these days is to growl. sorry waffle wallow to much to swallw please let me sleep tonight.