not sure *trig*

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wild rabbit, Jun 12, 2011.

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  1. wild rabbit

    wild rabbit Well-Known Member

    not sure i would say i was suicidal yet, it certainly has been there in my head in my sleep and all today, im not sure if im still only using the thoughts to get on or if its something brewing

    cant afford to get ill, in so many ways. if i ask for help now however, it will undo everything i have tried to acheive and then nothing will be worth living for, feel like im stuck in a joseph heller book.

    if i say im getting ill they will stop helping my physical stuff. i want them all to talk between them im no doctor I emailed the gp t relay my concerns i hope it doesnt get filed under coffee cup?

    waiting for a few out of date pills to kick in, will stone myself out tonight so i see tomorrow at some time.

    god i can hear myself and dont like it. sorry im wallowing

    the smilies are good distractin.:bunny:theres me! thanks for the smile. only time i show my teeth these days is to growl. sorry waffle wallow to much to swallw please let me sleep tonight.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi. Seems like you're having a rough time today. Sorry to hear it. :hug:

    Has something been happening that triggered things or made them worse? You can always share here, or PM me privately if you want to talk/vent.

    I hope your GP gets your note and that you feel better soon.
     
  3. wild rabbit

    wild rabbit Well-Known Member

    sorry i seem to have done nothing but moan since i was here.

    had nightmares last night.

    been under pressure at work a lot.

    in constant pain physically and drs treat me like i swing lead fo a living.

    stopped my lithium a couple of months back cos i couldnt take ibuprofen or diclofenac but now my head is trying to hut me

    im up to my eyes in debt

    i am lsing trak of what happens when wong days and time

    gp doesnt tak to shrink so didnt tell them im not doing meds, they only heard when i told them via a letter but then a stranger cpn called me i didnt answer so now no follow up on that and i think iwnat help but on my terms if that makes sence

    sorry i really an up myself.

    if i could be bothered to infd my shoes i would go for a good walk to the m62 i think
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I don't think you're moaning, I think you have some serious issues that are ongoing.

    Do you know why the doctors don't talk to each other about your case? Could you go to your GP and say you'd like them to talk with each other to help you?

    You said you turned down the cpn that you hadn't met before - Perhaps you could arrange for that worker to come back and get them to help you with talking to the doctors?

    I'm so sorry to hear that this is such a hard time for you. I get nightmares/bad dreams, too, when the stress piles up. I hope you can feel at least a little better soon.

    At the very least, please keep coming back here to post and let us know how you are doing. :hug:
     
  5. marmite

    marmite Active Member

    just a thought but could you try another mood stabiliser that would allow you to take the meds you need there are lots of options
     
  6. wild rabbit

    wild rabbit Well-Known Member

    tried depakote, just wrecks my hair and piles the weight on
     
  7. wild rabbit

    wild rabbit Well-Known Member

    intense day, cr*pped on from a big height, no defending myself feeling swamped just want to take a bag of sweeties t the beach and watch the sunset. got lots of stuff left over from years of meds, most is out of date but i really dont think that matters, no where to turn, feeling physically crushed my friends are down too so cant go there, feeling bad enough putting myself first and wanting to do this tomorrow is my last chance.
     
  8. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Your friends maybe down too but they will still care and want to help ,perhaps they can't help as much as they would like to but they are still your friends.
    We are both new here but it seems to be a nice supportive place. Like you all I have done is moan but people have responded and I don't know about you but I find it comforting to know that a stranger will take time to respond when you are in trouble. I am hoping they will help me through and I hope they help you too.
    From what you say you have been in a bad place before and got through,so have I ,we have done it before so lets hope we can do it again
     
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