New here, not sure exactly what to say out who I'm saying this to. I've been depressed as long as I can remember. My mom had committed suicide when I was not even a year old, leaving me and my older sister with the man who drove her to do so. I've been overweight my entire life, my highest was at around 320lbs (now down to around 240, goal weight is 120), which was shortly after my dad and step mom had gotten a divorce. They divorced because he was cheating on her with his best friend's wife, whom he is still dating. This was around three years ago, when my half brother was 2. My step mom took him and moved back in with her parents. I'm 19 years old now, have gone through and recovered from bulimia, but I still struggle with my depression, self harm, self hate, and bipolar disorder. I isolate myself from friends, family, and even my boyfriend who, for some reason, puts up with all of it. I've been to maybe 7 or 8 therapists since I was around 4, I've been prescribed Celexa, Lexapro, and Prozac (at different times, obviously), all of which I stopped taking because my dad saw improvement in me, so he decided it was just a waste of money; I was fixed, daddy, I got better. Time to take away the only thing that gave me any chance of hope, right? I don't know what to do anymore, suicide really seems like my best bet, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to do it. I'm lost, I really am. I'm tired of waking up every morning to a job, body, face, and life I just hate. I really can't do it anymore. Nothing has helped, it would take a miracle (ha)'to save me at this point. Sorry for any typos, shaky fingers.