Not sure what drew me to this place, but here I am trying to place how I feel into words on a screen My parents and I have an explosive relationship, some may see that as passionate perhaps even caring? Unfortunately they are the type of people who see life through a lens and won't see another's point of view. At most we last a week before everything crumbles around us. My father was in the military and moved around a lot. I feel this meant I missed out on being able to forge the type of relationship with even a single friend that I could truly trust to be there no matter how I act. Another thing moving around a lot gave me was this capability to be whatever anyone around me needed me to be. A sort of social chameleon if you will. This means that I feel sometimes I may lose "friends" if I were to be more "myself". Being around people who think I am someone else, is better than not being around anyone at all right? That's what I thought but then I began to realise I started to harbour resentment towards these people as they all had these friendships and I was that grey man(not through lack of effirt) that everyone forgot was there. The isolation and worthlessness is then further pressed upon me by my dating life (or lack therof). I mean I have been in dates but all in the singular sense never to here from them again, even from those I thought went well. Don't get me wrong I understand a relationship shouldn't be about making oneself happy but about making another happy, it still bites though when it's rejection after rejection. Now I feel I may as well stop as I feel I come on way too strong the more desperate I get. Ultimately it comes to this. I work for money, I go home, I sleep to be able to work more and I repeat. Perhaps I put too much stock into relationships but without real ones what is the point? Other than to be the good little worker bee that benefits the company I work for. And if all I'm here to do is work until I die then what was the point? Is "life" not meant to be about the little moments in our relationships? I feel myself more and more considering what if I wasn't here? And I'm finding less and less reasons to care. I once tried professional help and before I knew it chameleon kicked in and I was once again telling them what I thought they wanted to hear not what they should hear. At least here I know nothing about you, and you know nothing about me.