okay, so i'm new here, but i have something that's been haunting me, and i thought it might help to get some new insight on it. i grew up overseas because my parents were missionaries, and because i had never lived in the usa, i was incredibly naiive when i came to the usa at the age of 16. i started working, and i met this guy there. he told me he was 18 and that he really liked me. i thought he was cute, but i didn't know if i was ready for a relationship since i had just moved here. one night, he told me that he wanted to show me something down in the stockroom. i thought he was telling the truth, so i went down with him. he grabbed me and kissed me and then started using tongue and feeling me up. i got away as quick as i could, but i felt so guilty for letting him take me down there, even though i didn't know what it meant to "go down to the stockroom." months later, he asked me out on a date, and, since i had tried to forgive him for the other incident, i went with him. i had never had any sort of sexual contact with a guy before, besides what he did to me. never been kissed, never held hands, never done anthing like that. never gotten close to a guy phsyically at all. a brief hug was the farthest i'd gone. so once i got into his car, he started putting his hand all over my leg and thigh. he was rubbing and just kind of feeling around. but i kept moving his hand and trying to ignore it. then he stopped by his house to get something. he told me that if i came inside his house, he "promised he wouldn't rape me" his words. i got kind of freaked out. then throughout the night he kept making sexual innuendos and saying how the car was steamy and we hadn't even been doing anything. he asked if i wanted to have sex, and i told him no. i told him i was waiting until marriage. well, i found out later that he was actually 25. he had just told me he was 18 so he could go out with me. he started calling me (he got my phone number off the work list) and saying sexual thing. he told me what i could do to get him aroused, how many people he'd had sex with, etc. he also told me that he thought about me when he masturbated. he would call me when he was in the tub, because i guess he got a thrill out of it. i told him to stop calling me, and eventually he did. in the meantime, i still had to see him at work. he had told me that if i said anything about what he did, he would get me fired, and he did have the power to do that. so i kept my mouth shut. he would come up behind me and grind into me, or touch my butt. he constantly made sexual comments. it made me so uncomfortable, and i tried to tell him that, but i needed my job and i couldn't get fired. he finally started leaving me alone. my friend's don't understand why it's such a big deal that he kissed me. but it wasn't just that he kissed me. he stole my innocence. my first kiss. i find it so hard to trust guys now, and whenever a guy even puts his hand on my shoulder, i usually jump. i don't know if i would define this as sexual harassment or what... i guess i am looking to put a label on it that would somehow justify why i feel the way i do. yet why am i the one that feels guilty?