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not sure what this was....

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by homelessmk, Aug 13, 2009.

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  1. homelessmk

    homelessmk Active Member

    okay, so i'm new here, but i have something that's been haunting me, and i thought it might help to get some new insight on it.
    i grew up overseas because my parents were missionaries, and because i had never lived in the usa, i was incredibly naiive when i came to the usa at the age of 16. i started working, and i met this guy there. he told me he was 18 and that he really liked me. i thought he was cute, but i didn't know if i was ready for a relationship since i had just moved here.
    one night, he told me that he wanted to show me something down in the stockroom. i thought he was telling the truth, so i went down with him. he grabbed me and kissed me and then started using tongue and feeling me up. i got away as quick as i could, but i felt so guilty for letting him take me down there, even though i didn't know what it meant to "go down to the stockroom." months later, he asked me out on a date, and, since i had tried to forgive him for the other incident, i went with him. i had never had any sort of sexual contact with a guy before, besides what he did to me. never been kissed, never held hands, never done anthing like that. never gotten close to a guy phsyically at all. a brief hug was the farthest i'd gone. so once i got into his car, he started putting his hand all over my leg and thigh. he was rubbing and just kind of feeling around. but i kept moving his hand and trying to ignore it. then he stopped by his house to get something. he told me that if i came inside his house, he "promised he wouldn't rape me" his words. i got kind of freaked out. then throughout the night he kept making sexual innuendos and saying how the car was steamy and we hadn't even been doing anything. he asked if i wanted to have sex, and i told him no. i told him i was waiting until marriage.
    well, i found out later that he was actually 25. he had just told me he was 18 so he could go out with me. he started calling me (he got my phone number off the work list) and saying sexual thing. he told me what i could do to get him aroused, how many people he'd had sex with, etc. he also told me that he thought about me when he masturbated. he would call me when he was in the tub, because i guess he got a thrill out of it. i told him to stop calling me, and eventually he did. in the meantime, i still had to see him at work. he had told me that if i said anything about what he did, he would get me fired, and he did have the power to do that. so i kept my mouth shut. he would come up behind me and grind into me, or touch my butt. he constantly made sexual comments. it made me so uncomfortable, and i tried to tell him that, but i needed my job and i couldn't get fired. he finally started leaving me alone. my friend's don't understand why it's such a big deal that he kissed me. but it wasn't just that he kissed me. he stole my innocence. my first kiss. i find it so hard to trust guys now, and whenever a guy even puts his hand on my shoulder, i usually jump. i don't know if i would define this as sexual harassment or what... i guess i am looking to put a label on it that would somehow justify why i feel the way i do. yet why am i the one that feels guilty?
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    That's sexual harrassment for sure.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    That is definitely sexual harrassment :sad:

    I'm sorry you had to go through this, perhaps therapy would help you deal with what happened.

    I'm here if you need to talk x
  4. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Its sexual harassment, no question about that. Although its completely normal to feel guilt in this type of situation, its not your fault at all. Therapy helped me a great deal with the guilt when something like this happened to me, and I think it would help you as well.
  5. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    yea, sexual harassment and black mailing.
    Call the cops, his basically pulling rank on you and he forced himself onto you.
    You can always get a new job right? But you're never getting your innocence back.....give that degenerate fuckin asshole, what he deserves, that's what the law is for too.....to deliver justice.

    I hope you will heal in time, all the best, in these hard and stressful times.
  6. homelessmk

    homelessmk Active Member

    so it really was sexual harassment?.... i guess it's good to finally have a label for it... even if i don't really want that to happen... if that makes sense.... i don't know it i can call the cops though... it's just his word against mine, and he's going to deny everything. and he told me we had to keep it secret and not to tell anyone or he would get me fired, so it's not like we have any witnesses or anything.... besides, if i call the cops i'll have to tell my parents, and i don't think i can do that... they still think of me as this innocent little girl... which i guess is what i was before that creep....
    i don't even know where to go from here... luckily last night was my last night at work, so i don't have to see him again until november... which is a really nice break, because every time i see him i just relive it all over again. sometimes i have to go down to the restroom and cry because he will come up and start talking to me again, or ask me out...
    thank you all for your support! i am so glad that i found this place. everyone is so helpful and nice :)
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    He is a creep and needs to be reported anyway of getting what he says to you on tape. what an ass next time he touches you use your knee where it counts maybe that will make him keep his distance. Do you have anyone to scare the hell out of him give him a few pieces of advice I still say he needs to be reported to who ever is in charge make sure you have proof and go to cops.
  8. homelessmk

    homelessmk Active Member

    yeah, i have friends who have offered to beat him up for me, but i turned them down. i didn't want to retaliate that way, and besides, he's a marine, and much bigger and stronger than me. i didn't want the repurcussions.... i'm actually not working again for a long time, so i'm hoping by the time i get back he will have forgotten about me. but like i said before, i don't have any proof. that is the main issue. no emails, no texts, no witnesses....
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